Wisdom

"Everything has to do with loving and not loving." --Rumi

Today, there was no room for worthlessness.  There was too much to be done.  Feeling as worthless as they come, I struggled through the demands of my day, as life did not allow me the time waller in it.  A revelation is a brief experience when we understand something we have not understood before.  Wisdom is when that reveleation comes to us in a time of need. 

I've pulled up my own bootstraps, put my big girl panties on and tackled seemingly insurmountable tasks  over the last month far more times than I care to remember.  It seems no matter how much I do or how well I do it, still nothing I do seems ever enough.  It left my well dry.  I was left with no more enthusiasm, no more inspiration and no more energy, and I felt unloved.

Being loved, feeling loved and sharing love is the force that motivates me.  Without it, I soon dry up.  Wisdom finally came to me today.  I remembered a vision of my father I had a few months after his death about 14 years ago.  He came to me during a most challenging and difficult time, a time when I did not know what to do, how to do it and how my life got into such a mess.  In his natural way of being brief and to the point, he simply said to me, "It's not worth it, baby."  My father gave me very little advice during my life but after his death, he gave me the best advice he ever gave me.  It was not only the words of the message that impacted me so greatly but the loving way they were shared with me.  

This Wisdom comes to me from time to time.  Today it came from a loving voice inside me that said, "It's not worth it, Uma... not one single thing is worth what you are doing to yourself."  Today it meant to me love yourself, be kind to yourself.  The love I needed to feel today did not come to me in the way I wanted it to, but it came in the form of Wisdom... the Wisdom inside of me, a much more reliable source.