Love & Fear

The Course in Miracles tells us that there are only two emotions, love and fear. If we are not experiencing love, we are experiencing fear. It is an either or kind of deal. We cannot experience them both at the same time. Darkness is absence of light, and fear is absence of love. To dispel darkness, we must turn on the light. To fear less, we must love more.

We will find whatever we are seeking in life. If we see someone's innocence, it is because that is what we want to see. In turn, if we see someone as guilty, it is because that is what we want to see. The world is as we see it. If we think that we are imagining things, we are. Our perceptions create our individual realities. Our individual realities are not necessarily universal realities or the truth. The pointing, judging, vengeful finger ultimately reverses direction to accuse and punish no other than our own self.

It is not our duty in life to police the universe. It is our duty to celebrate existence. Existence IS regardless of us. We can doing nothing to control the world going round. If I waste my time and energy finding others guilty of crimes against me, I am simply wearing a groove to keep myself stuck in whatever past experiences where I felt angry or hurt, and assures that I will continue to be a victim of my own fears. Since, I cannot experience love and fear at the same time, my heart will be closed to the love I so desperately desire. 

We can never change ours or another's wrongful behaviors by pointing the accusatory finger. Forgiveness happens when we accept ourselves and others just as they are right now. This doesn't mean we won't get angry. This doesn't mean we won't get hurt. If just means, we won't prolong our suffering from lack of love because we are afraid to get angry or be hurt. I am not suggesting that we ignore and stuff our feelings. We must realize that our anger and hurt is just that, ours. To understand ourselves we must express ourselves in relationships. Nothing but disease, whether physical or emotional, comes from holding in our feelings. However, our feelings don't belong to anyone else, and they are not the responsibility of anyone else. 

When we behave unlovingly, it is because we have forgotten who we are. We have gone to sleep. To stay awake, we turn on the light. To turn on the light, we must simply be truthful. Fear is a lie. Only love is real. The most profound and meaningful statement I ever heard comes from the Course:

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."

It is impossible for us to fix anything about ourselves or anyone else. Only God can cure and heal. For that to happen we must accept the truth of ourselves and others. What we seek, seeks us. If we want to experience more love, then we must go to the very core of our being and extract it from the endless depths of our reservoir residing there. Once tapped into, love will just pour out with reckless abandonment. Situations and people do not need our fixing. They need our love. 

If we are angry, we are afraid. If we are manipulative, insensitive or cruel, we are afraid. All fears are a cry for love. How can we truthfully ignore a cry for love? We can't, and our ignorance is also a cry for love. It is the wounded ego that cries for love. Since only God can cure and heal, the wounded ego must ultimately surrender to God. No religion, no teacher, no lover or even our own personal will can heal the wounded ego. Once we can accept our helplessness, our humanness and our lovelessness, we have opened the door to our heart so that all the love and healing we need can pour in.

Acceptance comes through truthfulness. You are not who you think you are. We must transcend the broken parts of ourselves by realizing the truth of who we are. We were made from love. We are made of love. To know thyself, love thyself. Nothing is up to you. It's all up to God. To know love, seek love. Seek love, and it will seek you. 

The Oneness of it All

Can we trust our belief that we are not a doer and still get angry and blame others? The answer is yes and no. If we have had the realization we are not the doer, then we have realized the core of our being. Resting there is an unshakable conviction, and at our core is Divine Perfection. There is no "other." If there is only the One, then there is no you and no me. So who could we be angry at? Who can we blame? Can I even blame myself if I am convinced there is no doer, that there is only the Divine Scheme?

Regardless of our conviction, in this physical reality and this energetic space, there is a thinker that thinks, a feeler that feels and a doer that does. There are layers of energetic patterns and psychic grooves, our karmas and samskaras unique to us.  We can not truthfully say the individual does not exist, as we are an integral part of the Whole. The energetic body carrying all it's karmas and samskaras, as well as our physical, mental and emotional bodies are very much alive. 

I am most peaceful when I am alone in Nature. I find it most easy to flow with the Oneness of it All when I do not have to engage with the world. My relationship with God is most easy when I spend lots of time in solitude and meditation. Something different comes into play when I am involved in relationship with others. From the the very core of my being I connect to the very core of their being. That is the easy part. When our karmas dance, when our samskaras collide and especially when our emotional bodies meet, the pot gets stirred.

No one wants to hear that they are not being truthful, but the truth is we are all liars. To understand Non-doing, we must first accept we have been fooling our self and others throughout our existence. We don't do this consciously. It is an unconscious psychic, emotional pattern based on fear and conditioning and until all the layers of our being become completely integrated and aligned with our convictions, we will continue to live the lie of duality and doership. We will continue to get angry and blame others. 

It is our emotional bodies that create the screeching between two individuals. If you don't behave the way I expect you to behave based on my established conditioning as to what kind of relationship we have mutually agreed upon, I will experience some sort of emotional disturbance and blame you. Depending on my personality and the type of relationship I have with you, that emotional disturbance could be experienced as anger, resentment, hurt or withdrawal. And your emotional body will react to my emotional body with it's individual emotional patterns and psychic grooves. So there we are two liars fully. invested in the duality of existence, not experiencing the Oneness of it All.

Relationship is the spiritual seeker's final frontier. Just because we experience emotion, just because we get angry, just because we blame another does not mean that we have not realized the core of our being. It is simply an indicator that our emotional body has not fully integrated with our deepest convictions. If there is screeching in a relationship, then there is some untruthfulness between the parties. More superficial relationships are often smoother, but not as rewarding. Superficial relationships are often based on commonalities. We may enjoy the same books, the same pastimes, the same work, the same emotional and physical pleasures, the same, same. These outward commonalities make it easy to enjoy the world together even when there may not be a deeper, more spiritual connection. Even many marriages are like this. Emotional and physical bonding does not necessarily have to be based on truth.

A spiritual relationship is based on Truth. Emotional and physical bonding may cause screeching as karmas and samskaras work themselves out. With a foundation based on truth, when your untruthfulness meets my untruthfulness, a process of clearing will be ignited. This is often not fun. This is the crux of transformation in our relationships. We can either run for the hills or be willing to roll in the muck for awhile. I have discovered that Truth is the only thing worth pursuing. I have discovered that no matter how difficult it can get down in the trenches of physicality and emotionalism, that if my relationships are based on a foundation of truth, then all the treasurers of the Kingdom, all the love, all the joy, all, the sublime beauty from the Oneness of it All are shining like diamonds underneath the rubble of transformation.

If you get angry and blame another, then you must blame yourself as well. You must hold some belief in the layers of your personality that identifies you with the doer. Ask yourself, who is this doer? Is it me? Is there a solid entity present in this moment, or is it a ghost of my past or a aberration of my future? Ask yourself, if you can be anywhere but where you are right now? Who are you, and where are you?

We fall down. We get up again. We get angry. We forgive again. It's all just Lila. Transcendence comes through devotion, dedication, discipline, courage and above all, truthfulness. Sometimes the only way out of hell is right through the center of it. And on the other side of hell lies paradise.

Who's Your Boogie Man?

Yesterday I faced a fear. We all know that fears are, for the most part, irrational; however, that doesn't seem to help us much when they show up. Phobias are just plain crazy. I am not sure my fear of heights is quite at the phobia level, but I am certainly aware of it's irrationality. Even though challenging my fears makes me uncomfortable, to say the least, I do so periodically just to check in. I can accept that I have fears, but I cannot accept them controlling my existence. It's just my way of sticking it to the fear monster.

I have been wandering around the planet since last November. I arrived back in the US beginning of June. I am traveling here and there with a car packed to the hilt  with whatever belongings I can carry, visiting friends, family and old haunts, working some and playing a lot. Mostly, I am happy with my present gypsy life but sometimes I start to wonder, "Am I just wandering aimlessly or is there a point to this?" One of my old haunts is Greenville, South Carolina. I lived here for about a year. I spent most of my time here alone in the woods across the street from my little cottage, hiking the 18 miles of trails weaving around this mountain. It was a time of introspection and getting to know myself again after a few years of chaos and transformation. I arrived here the day before yesterday and was chomping at the bit waiting for sun to rise and the rains to clear so that I could visit my old friend, curious to measure my growth over the last 10 months with this wise and stable yardstick.

These woods became my best friend during my time in Greenville. They always accepted me no matter what my mood and never demanding anything of me. The woods always offered me the keys to it's kingdom with daily gifts of sweet, earthy aromas, babbling creeks, grounding rocks and awe inspiring beauty. They also challenged me to become stronger physically and mentally. It's a long steep hike up this mountain, and I hiked mostly alone, preferring the solitude of Nature over company. I often wonder what I would do if I encountered a bear. Although the thought was somewhat scary, I also found it a little exciting. I am not afraid of bears. I am not afraid of getting lost. I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid of heights.

About half  way up my trail to the Magic Pitt is a damn with a towering waterfall cascading over it. I stopped at the falls for a bit  to receive their blessings and breathe in their beauty. As my gaze found their top, I was reminded of the edge of the damn. I knew in that moment, I would have to walk the "plank," just to check in with my fear.  I climbed up to the top of the damn, took a deep breath and walked very slowly and very cautiously to the very edge of the slippery, wet stone. On one side is a lake so calm it looks like glass. On the other side, that still water turns into raging rapids as it rushes over the top of the damn. As I reach the edge, I find a dragonfly waiting there for me. I am a firm believer in animal medicine and animal totems, so her presence was not taken lightly.

Unfortunately, my fear of heights is still quite present. I do not fear being in the air. I am not afraid of flying either on a plane or a parasail. I am afraid of the edge, and more specifically falling over the edge. Investigating this fear, I realized that I am concerned that something unknown will push me over the edge more so than actually falling off on my own accord. However, sometimes I feel as if the wind could just blow me off. Even when it's not windy I have this sense. I often feel as if someone or something is behind me. I asked myself, "Is this how I live my life? Do I fear that there is someone or something behind me lurking just waiting to push me off the edge?"

Represented by the iridescence of their wings, Dragonfly medicine shines the light on our self created illusions. If you were to ask what is my greatest fear, I would not say heights. I would say that my most disturbing fear, although not a constant, but an uncomfortably familiar one, is that I am imagining what I think to be real. That what I think is real is merely my imagination, which would make my existence a cosmic joke. Being afraid of heights seems a silly and irrational fear. Being a cosmic joke; however, seems a realistic one.

My "boogie man" lurking behind me is that the illusion of my image can be shattered by the will of something more powerful than me. I fear that all my efforts, all my time, energy and money to create this image could be destroyed by a gust of wind. As I face my boogie man head on, I realize I am a cosmic joke and bring God great joy and laughter. What higher purpose can I imagine? It is in the shattering of our illusions that we discover our wings. Go ahead and walk the plank,and if you go over the edge, be grateful that you are no longer bound by your illusions. Shake hands with your boogie man. "Better to have your enemies inside the tent pissing out, than outside pissing in." By facing our fears we gain strength. By understanding our fears, we gain Wisdom. Wherever life takes us, the point is to realize and be free.