Woman on Fire

I'm at "that age"... that some say is perfect because I am neither young nor old. I am told I have the wisdom of the 48 years I have been on this planet and still have a healthy body and mind. I am not sold on the perfection of my age. I am grateful for the knowledge gained through the experiences of my life, but I am neither happy to keep repeating them nor ready for complacency. A few years ago I met my teacher, Shantji. One might say Guru, but that's a heavy label for a "good-ole-girl" like me; however, I have had teachers in the past and this one does stand out miles beyond his predecessors. He seems to be "The One', so I will call him my Teacher with a capital "T". As far out (Yes, I know the word is dated, but I can find no other to fit) as he may be, he teaches "The Way" in a way that I get. A student should feel their teacher knows more than them about the subject they would like to know, and I did not question he knew something I did not. Shantji was selling freedom. I was in the market for it, and I was sold. He seemed to exude a sense of freedom I had not experienced before. Some might say freedom is enlightenment, but I don't like that word because of its heavy, dogmatic implications. Not that I don't think that Shantji is enlightened, I just don't like to use the word. Freedom... well... sounds more freeing. I do like semantics. I think the conscious use of words makes communication less complicated. On Shantji and I's second meeting he commented on a lamp I had sitting on a shelf. This lamp was made of red Lucite in the shape of Buddha's head. It front of it stood a brass sculpture of Shiva Natrajasana (Lord Shiva Dancing in a ring of fire) which glowed red from the light of Buddha's head shinning through it. Shantji commented on the light and how much he liked it. Then he asked me, "Uma, are you ready to burn in the fire of the wisdom of the Buddha?" Something inside me answered, not to Shantji, but to Buddha himself, "YES!" I knew that evening, after driving him home, what I had to agreed to and that my life would never be the same again. How I knew this I do not know... I just knew. Now, I type this blog far away from that complacent (but quite happy) woman enjoying her cottage home near the ocean in the quaint, little beach town of St. Augustine, Florida that she had lived most of her life. Since that time I have had 2 long, challenging, amazing, life altering trips to India and now live in Shanti Temple, an ashram being created, in the middle of "Podunk" Pennsylvania" wondering how I got here and what will happen to this 48 year seeker now. Will she discover what she's seeking and discover she already knows she knows or become complacent, wake up or go sleep? And who the hell knows what these states of being mean anyway? How does one know? Although I hope that my experience will be inspiring for others, and I wish I could say my intention for this blog was purely humanitarian, I cannot truthfully claim that. It is probably as cathartic as it can be. I am a woman on fire, and this is the story of my journey.