Goofed off again. I missed 3 days in a row of my 30-day writing challenge. I have lots of excuses, but the main one is I just didn't feel like writing. I couldn't think of anything to write about, and it just wasn't important enough for me to discipline myself to do something I didn't feel like doing. So there you have it. The truth is what the truth is.
I've been selling, packing, storing,
hauling,
having car problems, being stressed and just generally overwhelmed. I
couldn't imagine how writing about that would be helpful in anyway, but
that was the only thing going on in my head. And I still don't know
what to write about. Sometimes we just find ourselves in limbo, neither
here nor there. If it were easy to stay in the moment, more of us
would be there more often. It's just not easy. Life is distracting,
and it's challenging to stay present when we are always being pulled
this way and that way. Nonetheless, we try.
Discipline is how we try. We get up. We fall down. We get up again. My grandmother had a rare disease that was kin to Parkinson's Disease. It took a long time for the doctors to understand her condition and diagnose her disease. We became aware of the problem after she fell many times. In fact, we took her to the emergency room so many times, that they actually started to question us in suspicion of possible elderly abuse. The main dysfunction of the disease is that it slowly deteriorates the part of the brain that registers balance. They explained to us that all of us are constantly loosing our balance and regaining our balance. This part of the brain realizes we are loosing balance and sends the message through the nervous system to correct the imbalance so we do not fall. Apparently, this part of her brain was no longer functional so when she would loose her balance, she would just fall right smack down wherever she was.
I've often wondered, or perhaps feared, if I don't have some rare kin to this disease. Where instead of affecting my physical balance, it effects my emotional balance. My friend describes me as a tornado. My teacher describes me as a hurricane. I feel a bit like a cyclone. I have always felt that I might be missing an emotional regulator, that part of the psyche that registers when you are loosing your emotional balance. I don't seem to get a warning. I just seem to fall completely out of balance, right smack down wherever I am.
We all have issues to deal with. We all some form of disease or dysfunction. Human beings are far from being perfect. We have doctors to fix our ailments, like we have mechanics to fix our cars. A metaphorically interesting thing happened with my car loosing it's balance this morning. I just spent $800 having it repaired the day before yesterday. I took a short trip for a little R&R before the big moving crunch that will happen this week. About 45 minutes away from home, my car makes such a racket that I think the the engine may be about to fall out of it. Turns out some bolt was not put back on properly and caused other things to loosen which caused the horrible noise. The smallest of things, a simple bolt, threw the entire car off balance. And in turn, threw me off balance. Bolt has been tightened. Car is back in balance. A little yoga, some loving support from my teacher, some french fries, a glass of good wine, and I am back in balance.
Storms come and go. Life is an ebb and flow. Sometimes we are ebbing. Sometimes we are flowing. Sometimes we are in limbo. We are always loosing our balance and regaining it. The moment happens in the middle of it all.
Discipline is how we try. We get up. We fall down. We get up again. My grandmother had a rare disease that was kin to Parkinson's Disease. It took a long time for the doctors to understand her condition and diagnose her disease. We became aware of the problem after she fell many times. In fact, we took her to the emergency room so many times, that they actually started to question us in suspicion of possible elderly abuse. The main dysfunction of the disease is that it slowly deteriorates the part of the brain that registers balance. They explained to us that all of us are constantly loosing our balance and regaining our balance. This part of the brain realizes we are loosing balance and sends the message through the nervous system to correct the imbalance so we do not fall. Apparently, this part of her brain was no longer functional so when she would loose her balance, she would just fall right smack down wherever she was.
I've often wondered, or perhaps feared, if I don't have some rare kin to this disease. Where instead of affecting my physical balance, it effects my emotional balance. My friend describes me as a tornado. My teacher describes me as a hurricane. I feel a bit like a cyclone. I have always felt that I might be missing an emotional regulator, that part of the psyche that registers when you are loosing your emotional balance. I don't seem to get a warning. I just seem to fall completely out of balance, right smack down wherever I am.
We all have issues to deal with. We all some form of disease or dysfunction. Human beings are far from being perfect. We have doctors to fix our ailments, like we have mechanics to fix our cars. A metaphorically interesting thing happened with my car loosing it's balance this morning. I just spent $800 having it repaired the day before yesterday. I took a short trip for a little R&R before the big moving crunch that will happen this week. About 45 minutes away from home, my car makes such a racket that I think the the engine may be about to fall out of it. Turns out some bolt was not put back on properly and caused other things to loosen which caused the horrible noise. The smallest of things, a simple bolt, threw the entire car off balance. And in turn, threw me off balance. Bolt has been tightened. Car is back in balance. A little yoga, some loving support from my teacher, some french fries, a glass of good wine, and I am back in balance.
Storms come and go. Life is an ebb and flow. Sometimes we are ebbing. Sometimes we are flowing. Sometimes we are in limbo. We are always loosing our balance and regaining it. The moment happens in the middle of it all.
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