Cosmic Joke

We must laugh at ourselves. We are the master fool. You have done nothing wrong, but you have also done nothing right. In essence, you have done nothing.

Life is the Cosmic Joke, and you are the star of your own show. Stop taking yourself so seriously so that you can catch the mechanics of your character.

Play your part well. Laugh during the funny parts. Close your eyes during the scary parts, and cry during the sad parts.

Emotions are the spices of life. Go ahead, be spicy. Have fun and enjoy all the thrills of life, but remember too much salt spoils the broth.

You will make mistakes. Sometimes you will suffer, but nothing lasts forever. Dive in. The safety of the shoreline eventually disappears into the ocean.

You can either go get life or wait for it to come to you. There is no right or wrong way. There is only the Way.

In This Moment

In this moment I am breathing in the quietness of the morning. My mantra today is, "There is nothing to do. It's all already been done."  Lately, I have to remind myself, increasingly more often, to slow down. What I am hurrying to get to? Where is it I am going? That quiet, but oh so wise voice, whispering from the backdrop of my consciousness, answers, "There is nowhere to go and no time other than now."

Last Sunday I made post on Facebook asking my friends to give me some inspiration to write. It has taken me the week to settle into a space quiet enough to sit and allow my thoughts to formulate into words. In this moment, I am feeling grateful, as their thoughtful comments have inspired me. I hope you will see your threads in this quilt I am weaving with words.

If I am to be completely transparent, I must admit that my inner quiet this morning is partly due to being utterly exhausted. Although, I do love what I do, twenty-six years is a long time to be a Massage Therapist. I find as the years go by I need more breaks from this work to avoid burnout. In this moment, my body exhales a sigh of relief knowing I will let it rest today.

One of  my loveliest, dearest friends, sent me a care package of delightful things and a soul renewing letter.  She said in her letter, that one thing she imagined I never knew about her was that she secretly wished her hands looked like mine. She's a bit younger than me but close enough to see what was around the corner for her. While I have heard from many people, I have great hands. No one has ever said they were pretty. I have had old looking hands since I was young. They look like useful, hard working hands, but I will not kid myself. They are not pretty. They are thick and muscular, showing the signs of far too much sun with fingers curving in strange ways that have yielded to the demands of pressure I've put on them over the last few decades.        

In this moment, I think about her hands and how lovely I always thought they were. We haven't seen each other in a few years. From the age of about 45 on, it seems women's bodies change at an alarming rate. She said her hands looked like mine now, and she was happy they did. Without even seeing them, I know they express the hands of a woman strong enough to dig in the dirt and soft enough to nurture things to grow. We age gracefully by accepting the changes that come and honoring the lines and scars that living a juicy life leaves on our bodies and the imprints it leaves on our souls. Regrets are for those who wish to age without grace. My friend and I were once young, sweet dancers, who grew into sexy sirens with full hips and who are now growing gracefully into wise women with the authenticity of their lives expressed on their faces, wearing our battle scars like badges of honor.

"Cicadas emerge this year after 17 years of incubation."  In this moment, I wonder what I have been incubating. I ponder what my life would've been like if I had remained still the last 17 years. Knowing what I know now, I would like to think I would've taken better care of my skin and my joints, saved more money and lost my temper a little less. Funny thing is, I know a lot more now, and I still spend too much time in the sun, spend too much money and spend too much energy being upset when things don't go my way. I have held back very little. But if I have incubated anything over the last 17 years, it would be the fear of inadequacy, of somehow not measuring up, of not meeting my full potential. As that serves no purpose, I am ready to release that now.

Aging gracefully happens when accept this moment as it is and realize it's all we have. Our full potential is not something that will happen in the future. It happens when we are present in the totality of Now. When we can not only accept our failures and misgivings but when we can recognize our strengths and talents and when we can be grateful for all of it...  then we have learned  the art of aging  gracefully.

Sometimes we fail to see the beauty in everyday. We have special days to honor mothers, fathers, veterans, and even the Earth, so that we take time out to be grateful for all that we are blessed with. What if we treated everyday as if it were sacred? What if we honored the other humans, plants and animals we  cohabit this planet with?  What if we stopped long enough to notice the beauty of the moment, the sublime in the mundane and the order in the chaos? It's all there for us all the time. We're just one walk in the woods away from it in any given moment.

There's a magical place with tall trees, spring green ferns, spotted mushrooms and fairies of all sizes and shapes that exists in my imagination.  Did I mention butterflies? My magical place is filled with butterflies, lots of butterflies. At times I just want to kneel down and wrap my arms around this beautiful place and whisper sweetly to that little girl inside that still just wants play, and dream and dance, "I got you. It's okay to come out." Sometimes, it's almost as if I can feel her disappearing from my awareness. When she gets buried in mind underneath all the demands of the day, I head to the woods, the mountains or the ocean, wherever I can get to. I know that whatever inner conflicts I have cannot hold a candle to the purifying fires stirred by the wildness of nature.


In this moment, I feel the call to take a walk on the wild side. Yes, as always, even when I feel have nothing to write, the simple act of slowing down enough to sit while the words flow, is healing. I may not be able to travel to the other side of the globe today, no hanging out with wild sadhus, wicked saints and groovy gurus, but I can go to the woods and take in all it's glorious wildness, because in my mind there are always lions and tiger and bears. I am not a tired masseuse. I am a strong yogini with wildness in her heart and magic in her veins aging gracefully with the passage of everyday beauty in everyday life.
#shineshamelessly#blissoutmadly#juicylife#

Divinely Feminine

I want to wear a red dress, the kind that floats around my thighs and reminds me I'm a woman.

I want the back to be low, so I can feel the strands of my hair tickle my skin when I turn my head. I love those sweet little messages my body sends to my mind reminding it that we're still quite alive.

I want to wear it with red shoes, the kind that allow my little red toe tips to peek out, high enough that they make my hips sway a little more than if my feet were planted firmly on the ground. Sometimes it's good to feel a little less grounded.

I want a gentle breeze to catch my own perfume and brush it across my face, reminding me not all beauty can be seen.

I want to feel the power of my feminine wiles when I walk in a room and make heads turn. AND not for the art of manipulation. AND not even to use or mis-use in any way.

I just want to feel it and roll around in it and get drunk in it.

I want to remember that power is in me, that sensuality is mine. No matter how old I become, no matter how my body changes, no matter, no matter, no matter...

The feminine within me never leaves.

It has nothing to do with what I wear or how I look BUT everything to do with how I feel. I feel it when I move my body. I feel it when I write. I feel it when I laugh. I feel it when I cry.

It looks and feels different in every woman. We express it through our art, through our touch, through our compassion and through our passion. These are our gifts to the world to be cherished.

BUT this individual expression of it is mine. I am free to revel in it, and use it as I will. AND I will wear that dress and those shoes and get lost in my own essence... AND I will own it.

AND for the silly creatures who can't see that the sway in my hips is not for them, but a movement that comes from something they will not ever fully understand, that mystery will be impossible for them to know. They have no clue how divinely sensual it is to be feminine.

Some will spend their entire lives searching for answers in every feminine wile that floats their direction and still know nothing. They are the surface dwellers afraid to explore the treasures in the depths of the ocean. It is the divers courageous enough to plunge deep that find the gems.

If you want to know me, look at the straightness of my spine and recognize a woman with a backbone. Explore the lines on my face.... The ones around my mouth from laughing, the ones between my eyebrows from fretting and the ones around my eyes from crying. Although it may sag a little now, look at my jaw and see the pugnacity of a woman determined to know and live in Truth.

If you want to feel me, get lost in the sway of my hips... If you dare?  They express the transparency of my nature that excites you as well as scares you a little beyond your comfort zone.

I do not waste my time with flirtations. If you can feel the intensity of my gaze, know that it was intentional. If you can't, you must be sleeping. It's not my role to awaken you. I am too old and too wise to be frivolous with my gifts.

He, she, it... whatever.  Labels are not important. Authenticity of being is important. It's not who we are that matters. What matters is  knowing who we are and mustering up the bravery to express it. #liveoutloud#shineshamelessly#blissoutmadly#

Where the Wild Ones Shake

To be a writer one must write. I feel like an imposter lately, posing as a writer for I haven't written in so long. I sit to write, and it seems the words don't flow. They have no substance, no juicy bits to express. Have I nothing to say? Have I lost my voice? Are my thoughts that jumbled? Have I become so caught up in the world that the feeler, the thinker, the artist in me has gone to sleep?

That cannot be. For it is the feeler- thinker- artist in me that feeds my soul. When she sleeps, my world seems smaller with hard edges and straight lines. When she is awake, she dances wildly in mind, painting pictures with words, expanding horizons and softening edges with her curly, swirly lines.

I felt so ridiculously emotional yesterday for imagined reasons. That usually happens when she's trying to get my attention, and I am too busy for her. And if I ignore her, she only knocks louder. However, what disturbs me more is when she becomes silent.

I fear I may have been ignoring her louder and louder knocking, and now the her silence has become deafening. I have made a horrible mistake, but I see what I must do now. I must stir her from her slumber, and I must do it now or she may go deeper and deeper into sleep, farther and farther away from me.

I will start gently. I will go to her favorite places, where the tall trees sway. She so loves to hear their sweet creaking. I will breathe in the sun until she can feel it kiss her cheeks. I will sit by the pond and watch the ducks and herons, then dip my toes in with the hopes that the chilly water will get her attention.  Then I will play her favorite music and swirl and twirl my body until she feels the aliveness of the rhythm that has been resting in my hips.

Yes, that's it! I will dance her awake until I fall to the floor in a sweaty pool of juiciness. Then I will breathe, breathe long and slow and deep until she speaks. I know her well. She can be coerced. She is not angry or sad. She is simply bored to tears. Worldly concerns, errands, work and toil are like poison to a passionate soul.

 No, I will not let her stay asleep. We will dance and sing today. The day's duties have been canceled. Don't bother to call us because where we are going we cannot be reached, beyond superficial man made dreams to where the wild ones shake away everything that is not soul.

Free Your Mind

"When you constantly go beyond yourself there are no limitations." -- Michael Singer

Want to know what the hell is going on in the world? We are always being called to go outside the confines of the box of our minds. Now is always the best time to listen. Our beliefs can create the walls that separate us from the truth and from each other.  If you are afraid to question your belief system, then your belief system rests in shaky ground. If you are grounded in your convictions, you are unshakable. It is important to understand the difference between what you think you know and truth that rests at the very core of your being.

Beliefs come from our intelligence. Convictions come from our wisdom. Beliefs need to be defended. Convictions have already won the battle without a fight.  Beliefs need supporters, admirers and followers. Convictions stand on their own two feet and can walk the path alone without need for glorification. Beliefs are often based on judgements and perceptions, yours and others. While we can learn from example and the lives of  great beings can inspire us, convictions are based on understanding, exploration,  and your own experience of blood, sweat and tears, not those of someone else.

Why so much worry about the beliefs of someone else?  Can you take a stand for what you belief in without making someone else wrong for what they believe? They may be wrong. You may be wrong. What makes your wrong less wrong than theirs. If it is truth, then it can take a lot of mud slinging, beating and battering and it won't be harmed. It won't ever change. It is not subjective. It exists without anyone's belief in it. Truth does not need to be protected. I am not saying we shouldn't take a stand for what we believe even though it may not be a conviction yet, but we should give ourselves and others some growing room.  A conviction is a belief that has been tested.  We are all learning here.  

For me, a dangerous person is someone who believes they have nothing learn. That is a person that is so afraid, that they have cast the walls of their box in impenetrable stone. Surround yourself with yourself and your are limited with yourself.  Inside your box lives your small mind with all it's thoughts, all it's worries, all it's justifications, all it's rationalizations, all it's me, me, me. Outside your box an entire universe of possibilities, expansive thoughts, solutions and understandings exists for you. Now is the time to step outside your box. We need each other. The boxes are in the way.

 Free your mind. Open your heart. Spread some love.

My Muse

I am hoping that before I die I will come to understand time but doubt, in a very large way, I ever will. It's not the ticking away of the hours in a day that I care about understanding. That just seems like math. What I want to understand is what happens to all those experiences, all those feelings and all those thoughts that once held such importance, created such turmoil, such heartache, such joy. Where do they go when I am no longer experiencing them, feeling them or thinking about them? Is there somewhere in which they are held, or do they just disappear entirely? Do I change, or I am I just experiencing, feeling and thinking differently?

I sit here in my comfy chair on this sublimely sweet and peaceful Sunday morning listening to the birds chirping, enjoying the soft, morning light gently move through my house with the desire to write. Hallelujah!  That muse has visited me so very infrequently over the last 6 months. Yes, 6 months! Just as I recommitted myself to finishing my book, she left.  My writing (what little of it there has been) has been forced or strained for the most part. What wasn't forced out of me seemed to be vomited out of me, neither of which was enjoyable to write or to read. And so... just like that... she floats in this morning, without explanation, invitation or even warning.

A muse lives in their own world on their own time, or perhaps with no understanding or concern of time at all. Without her I seem to be lost. My words are illusive. My thoughts don't connect. My heart hides it's feelings. This beautiful September morning calls me outside. My dog paces in anticipation of a walk. My to do list is writing itself in my head. But my muse has arrived in all her glory and is holding me hostage. She has something to say finally, and I am most curious to know. Here I will sit, fingers on the keyboard, as the words flow until she is done.

My last blog was March 13. Has it really been 6 months?  Why did she go away for so long? Her answer to me is that she never left. She knows no difference in time and space. She's always here and always there. That impish creature can never be pinned down! Her answers are riddles, and her commitments vague and abstract.  She tells me it is me that goes away and that I can go away for very, very long times, because I tend to get lost. I get lost in my experiences, my feelings and my thoughts. I get lost in time, because I think it matters. And the only thing that truly matters is right here, right now. How I am living right here and right now determines how I will be living in 1 hour, 1week and 1 year. All my plans, all my goals, all my wants and all my needs for the future mean nothing, if I cannot just show up right here, right now.  If I could just get that, really get that for once and for all... I would never get lost again.

I could write about my experiences, my feelings and my thoughts over the last six months. I could tell you where I have been, and what I have been doing. I could tell you of my heartache, my confusion, my clarity and everything else in between, but I realize in this moment... It is not happening.  The past is a story I write down in my psyche. The experiences, the feelings and the thoughts about it disappear wherever it is that takes time away. What I am left with is the imprint of the story I wrote down that leaves a permanent groove somewhere in my memory. What I have learned is that the stories we write effect the way we experience the future. It is tremendously important that we get our facts straight.

I am reminded of a book I just recently re-read, Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements. Before we write those stories that become embedded in our psyche grooves I think we should apply the first Two Agreements:  1.  Be Impeccable with Your Word;  2.  Don't Take Anything Personally.  I realize I have some work to do on the stories I have written, because I have big plans for myself. I am cleaning house so to speak. There's some dust in the corners that has been there far too long. Now that I have found my muse again, I think I will have a lot to say. Stay tuned, or perhaps just stay tuned in. What I thought she would have me write about this morning didn't not come. I am curious to see when it does. Now, apparently, is not the time,  but I am compelled to let you in on something I have been experimenting with... Making Sober Sexy.  But not right here, right now...

Be Brave. Be Truthful. Shine On.

Do You Know Your Demons?

It is important to know your angels, but it may be more important to know your demons. If your angels are in the background doing their angelic work unbeknownst to you, it is not a problem. They have your back. If your demons are uprising without your awareness, they are deconstructing your life. No matter how many good intentions are made or goals that are set, if your demons are rearing their ugly heads, nothing will come to fruition. 

Your demons exist because there are aspects of yourself  you have not dealt with. They cover up your deep seeded wounds that have not been healed, and they are much uglier than the pain that hides underneath them.  You grow so used to these demons hanging around that you often don't even notice them until they have already wrecked their havoc. 

The thing about demons is you have to befriend them. Hating them only makes them more hostile. The first step in accepting your demons is to get to know them intimately. Learn their tricks of deception. Don't be fooled by their disguises. Explore the places they hide. And never, never let them intimidate you. The only power they have is your fear of them. Fear is their breeding ground. 

Your demons like to hide in the dark, ugly aspects of yourself you don't want to see. Those are the places you must learn to love so that healing begins. Demons cannot survive in love. Fear is their master. Where there is love, fear cannot exist.  

Shine on with your love light blaring in the darkest corners of your being. Destroy their homes and plant seeds of compassion where their wickedness festered from your pain. Allow your wounds to be exposed so they can heal and watch your life take an amazing new shape. 

Be Brave. Be Transparent. Live out Loud.

Dog Wisdom

Why is it dogs show more wisdom than humans? My dog is often my guru. Dogs seem to have an innate understanding and deep knowing  of the really important things in life. Possessing patience beyond human capabilities, they put up with us clueless humans, loving us unconditionally in spite of our all our ridiculousness. 

My sweet dog, Izzy, is 3ish-4ish . We don't really know how old she is, because we don't know where she came from. They found her in a nearby county emaciated, injured and having signs of a recently having had a litter. No puppies to be found though. She was scared, starving and sick but I am told, was never anything but sweet. 

We rescued each other 2 years ago. Our relationship was rocky in the beginning. I don't think Izzy had lived inside a house before, ridden in a car before or walked on a leash before. There was a lot to be learned about each other. We had some arguments. There were some losses. A few pair of shoes and a variety of miscellaneous items chewed beyond recognition along with some unpleasant rides through slippery mud being pulled by an enthusiastic, squirrel chasing beast, were a small price to pay for love. Though there were trials and tribulations in adjusting to our cohabitation, after about 1 month, we found our rhythm. 

Someone was mean to Izzy at one time. Quick movements toward her, a loud truck or a man's loud voice frightened her. Although much less now, to some degree, they still do. In spite of her fears, she LOVES people. Her favorite place is right, smack dab in the middle of a large group, a small group or in a lap (even though she weighs 50 pounds). Her desire to connect with people overrides her fear of them. I watch her transcend this fear all the time. 

Not women, but men seem to scare her. It doesn't stop her from approaching them though; however, she does it differently than she approaches women. When Izzy meets a man, she goes towards them and waits for a signal before she comes close. If she gets a yes, she sort of slowly waggles her entire body towards them and then falls at their feet and then rolls over for a belly rub. It's an interesting ritual. I always think what a brave and beautiful soul she is when I see her do this. Instead running from what she is afraid of, she is curious about it. She approaches it with caution. She respects it and then surrenders. Do you think we could learn a few things from this approach?

Today is a beautiful spring-like, Sunday morning... mine and Izzy's long walk day. We usually go to the woods on Sunday mornings, which is really her favorite thing to do, but I was lazy this today. Since we weren't going to walk in the woods, I figured at least we should take a different route through the neighborhood than our usual weekday walk. We wound around the neighborhood soaking up the sun breathing in spring for about an hour when we started to head back home. We walk fast.  Mostly because Izzy likes to walk fast, and I don't like being pulled by the leash... so I keep up. I think that's supposed to be the other way around, but it works for us.

About a half mile from home, I think Izzy realized where we were going. Her pace slowed down almost to a turtle's crawl. I checked to see if there was something wrong, like she had a thorn in her paw or something. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with her. I noticed she was just taking things in. She was savoring the day. She looked at me with those soft, intelligent amber eyes and then towards the sun as she took in a big whiff of spring. It was as if she was saying to me, " Do you see this beauty? Let's slow down and breathe this in. Take in this moment with me." Maybe I am delusional, but it sure did seemed that way to me. Regardless, I slowed down, breathed deeper and noticed a lot more as I did so. It's always about the journey, not the destination. We took another loop around before going home... this time with more feeling.





   

Touching God

True spirituality stirs your blood. It touches the deepest layer of your heart. It feeds your soul. It is so much fulfilling that nothing else matters. Disillusionment with spirituality happens when it is only a mental exercise, a conditioned belief, a recitation of scripture. Many critics consider yoga asana merely physical exercise and say, "You will never find God on a Yoga mat." I think you just might, if that's where you are looking for God.

 I see asana practice as praying with my entire body. Intellectuals feel that the act of ritual is for those unable to understand the abstract concepts of spirituality. Ritual is a way I spend time with God without the distractions of my mind. It is a way of being grateful, an outward expression of my love and devotion to that which matters most to me. Grand churches and temples are built to house God, so that people have a place to find him. I find God everywhere, all the time. And when I'm not "finding" God, I go to nature. I sit on the ground and feel the support of the earth beneath me. I breathe in the air and watch the clouds float by, and I feel my mind settle back down into my body. I hear the birds chirp, the crickets sing, the stream babble or the ocean roar, and my body aligns itself with the rhythm of nature, the rhythm of God. I feel the the rays of the sun expand my body with it's warmth, and I find space for the places that were constricting it. My eyes go soft as I watch the twinkling stars of the night sky, and the moonshine mystifies me as I breathe in the vastness of existence.

No, I do not need a church or a temple to find God. Spirituality without sensuality is difficult for us human beings. God is in our aliveness, in the aliveness of nature, in the aliveness of each other. I find God anywhere, when I look with the totality of my being. Go ahead, reach out and touch God. You know you've touched God when you feel your blood rushing through your veins, when you feel the beat of your heart expand your chest, when you feel your breath down into your toes.... And then, when in every cell of your being is pulsating with aliveness,  go beyond your sensations, beyond your thoughts and there, in that space where nothing happens, you are with God.

Stop the Madness

"In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for." --Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Is it just me, or do you also fear the world has gone mad? I have been struggling with making any sense out of the current world order or lack thereof.  I don't know who to cry for more; the victims of the most recent mass murders by terrorists or just the newest psycho killer, the Syrian refugees, the wounded or dead soldiers fighting this horrific war, the innocent children harmed, killed or orphaned, or the friend suffering so much they question if they even want to live another day in world gone mad. No doubt times are troubled. 

I think sometimes I should feel more. I am realizing that I can feel as much as want, cry as much as I want and that won't change a thing. Feeling is about me. In my world most things are about me. I am sensing the need for a radical shift in my perception. If we are all living in our own little worlds with our feelings, our needs and our wants, rest assured we are living in our own little world of our suffering as well.  When we are suffering, we have little room for the suffering of others... unless we've had a radical shift in perception from "mine" to "ours." 

The time is now for all of us, for the sake of all us, to get it together. "Peace begins with me." I love that line. The only chance we have to save the world is to save ourselves. There is such prevalent evil in the world because every culture and every religion is suffering mass moral degradation. Why is it so hard to do the right thing? We don't do the right thing, because the wrong thing has become so acceptable that we no longer care to... because we have become too lazy, greedy, self-absorbed and untruthful. I know this sounds very harsh. Sorry, but you know it's true, and I am sure you can see some of that in you.

So much time is wasted in thought and such little effort put in to action. I don't want to waste anymore time. If peace begins with me, I want it to start now. Yesterday, on two separate occasions, two different older women, both strangers, went out of their way to connect with me, to look me in the eye, give me a warm smile and tell me "Merry Christmas."  I liked the way that it made me feel, so I tried it out on two strangers. I don't know how it made them feel, but it made me feel really good.

We are told we should remember the reason for the season. What is that again? It is to celebrate Jesus Christ. But what are we celebrating about Jesus? His birthday?  What he died for or perhaps it is more about why he came to Earth? Wasn't there something about peace on Earth and goodwill to all. I admit, it's been awhile since I read the Bible, but I did read it cover to cover once upon a time. Again, maybe it's just me, but I thought Jesus was saying to be like him... that he figured things out for us. What I remember most was that Jesus could light the way to God.  He just loved people and served God. I didn't get anywhere in the Bible where he suggested much of all this religious rhetoric that has been spewed from the pulpits of the church. I've never read the Koran, so I can't speak for it. However, I find it hard to believe that it's message has not been severely twisted from that of it's originally, holy roots.

Lest we forget, God is everywhere. God doesn't not need a church, a cathedral, a temple, a synagogue or a mosque, but God is in all those places.  We like to think we build these buildings for God, but they were built for sinners and saints hoping to have a place they could find God. God dwells within us, not outside of us. If everyone were to spend as much time connecting with God, surrendering to God, listening to God and serving God as they do sleeping, working, worrying and serving themselves, it would be a very different world. If you follow your heart but your heart is wounded or diseased, it cannot be trusted. Trust God, not your heart. Learn to know the difference. Get that right first. It's is really the only true duty you have on this Earth and the only hope we have.  

Words are meaningless unless backed by action. In Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, number one is: "Be impeccable with your word." We should mean what we say or just not say it. If you want peace, be peace. If you want love, be love. Whatever you need, whatever you want, be that for someone else. We are merely reflections of each other. Love Jesus? Be like Jesus. 


                      Love People. Serve God. Stop the Madness 
                                     Merry Christmas!

Pandora's Box

Hope is big man with broad shoulders and sparkling eyes. Quite the gentlemen and most chivalrous, you can always count on him.  He has a solution to every problem and never gives up.  He was the first to believe in Fulfillment even when everyone else said she couldn’t be trusted.  Not one to repress his desires, he cherishes them with utmost expectation. During Truth’s crusade, he walked through the darkest of nights in the deepest of jungles with Courage, Faith and Certainty to rescue lost souls. Always let him know how much he’s appreciated. He doesn’t stay where he is not wanted, and you will miss him sorely when he’s gone. 

 

It was the curiously, naughty child, Pandora, who opened the box and released all the problems of the world.  Seduced by it's mystery, she became completely fixated on knowing the contents of that wicked box.  It might have been her devilish curiosity that caused her to lift the lid but if it weren't for her courage, she would not have opened the box a second time to let Hope out. Just as Pandora could not resist the temptation of lifting the lid to discover what mystery lay inside, I find the seduction of my emotions an irresistible indulgence.

 

Keeping the lid on my overly emotional being is often a struggle.  There are a lot of us highly sensitive souls who ride the emotional roller coaster. I have been "me" a long time, so I  have grown quite used to my sudden twists and turns and my highs and lows.  Although sometimes I think I may seem scary to others, I am not afraid of the depth of my feelings. Feeling deeply is not a curse. It is simply just the way some of us are wired. It takes all kinds to maintain balance in the world. If there were only architects and no builders, nothing would ever be built. If there were only artists and no engineers, nothing would ever work. If there were only thinkers and no feelers, nothing would bring joy. If there were only feelers and no thinkers, nothing would ever make sense.

 

If you are a one of the sensitive ones, feel blessed. Your life is richer and fuller because of it.  If you're not but you love one of these creatures, feel blessed. They can expose you to a world of beauty and wonder beyond your wildest imaginings.  Even though she was afraid, Pandora could not resist the sweet voice of Hope and her pleas to be freed from the box.  In our hearts rests Pandora's Box, a collection of stories we tell about the events of our lives, some good, some bad and some wickedly painful. They are nothing more than stories and can cause us no harm unless we keep them locked up to fester. If we try to lock up all our problems, our pain and our suffering, we cannot help but lock away our solutions, our healing and our joys with them. With the courage of little Pandora, discover what mysteries lay inside solid in the knowing that Hope is always there and can be counted upon to make things sweet again. Curiosity won't kill us, but fear just might. 

Be transparent. Be brave. Live out loud.

 

 

 

Livin' in the Low Country

You know when you have one of those encounters with a stranger that makes you wonder, "What just happened?"  Somehow you know that there is some message being transmitted that doesn't meet the eye. I love those experiences, because I know I am about to receive something I needed even though I may not know I needed it. I experienced that tonight on my evening walk. 

I get restless from time to time. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes it lingers, and sometimes it doesn't leave until I make a 180 degree turn in my life, quit my job, leave my lover and move to another country. Restlessness has been coming and going a lot lately. I am not unhappy. I do not want to quit my job, leave my lover or move to another country but I would, however, like to quiet the tinkling bells of my gypsy soul. 

Yesterday, on my way to work  I saw an "apartment for rent" sign across from the main entrance to the woods where I  like to hike. By lunch time I had decided I needed to move there and drove back by to get the phone number from the sign. By the evening I was on the internet searching for a new apartment. Before I saw the sign I had no thought of moving. After realizing I was really much better off staying where I am mostly because I like where live, I dropped the idea. However, the wheels were still turning. By the end of work today, in my mind, I rearranged all the furniture in my apartment. I think I will have a project this weekend. Perhaps it will suffice my restless spirit. Yes, I am needing something, but what?

Turtles are my totem. For those of you who do not have a totem, you may not understand this. If you have a totem, you will not question this. Trust me. They appear everywhere for you, and they make themselves known. This has been going on so long for me that when I see a turtle, I wait for it's message. This may sound weird to you, but it's true. It's just one of those things that "Is" for me.

I live in what they call the "Low Country." That's a nice word for swamp. In my neighborhood is a Carolina Bay. It looks like a big pond, but they don't call them that here. Apparently, there were depressions made in the earth eons ago that filled with water... perhaps created from a meteorite crashing or something. They are called Bays because of the Bay trees that are often around them, not because they are like a bay. They are like a swampy pond. Anyway, there is one nearby, and I like it, and it's the only body of water around. Sometimes this mermaid feels so landlocked here that I feel as if I am gasping for water. I walk my dog there almost daily. There are ducks and blue herons and turtles... lots of them.   

Tonight, on my walk around the "Bay," I heard the spokes of someone's bicycle clicking behind me. I turned to look and saw a man walking his bicycle carrying, what I thought was, his helmet in his hand. It was just a quick glance. I smiled and said, "Hello."  He smiled back and acknowledged my greeting. A few seconds later, a voice behind me says, "Excuse me. Do they belong in the water?"  I turned back again, this time looking more directly at the man and noticing what he actually was holding in his hand. 

There aren't many hippie type folks in the "Low Country." I think they all live in the mountains. This man, however, was the exception. The only thing missing was a Grateful Dead t-shirt. He looked to be in his 40's, long hair pulled back in a ponytail, wire-rimmed glasses framing his sparkly eyes, an Earth Day hemp bag strapped across his back, Teva sandals.... and holding a turtle in his hand! His energy was unassuming and his voice soft. He asked me like he knew I would know. He said he found it the road and thought it's home might be here. I tried to curtail my enthusiasm so I didn't seem like a freak, but I was so excited to be part of a turtle rescue. 

I showed him where I always see a lot of these turtles sunning themselves. When hell froze over the first winter I lived here, a wicked ice storm killed a bunch of trees and they fell into the bay creating a little turtle haven. Before he released the turtle, he asked, "So, this is where she lives, and she likes it here?  I found it interesting that he knew the turtle was a she, not a he. And I said, "Yes, there is where she lives, and she likes it here." 

Sometimes you just need someone to be that mirror for you, so you can see yourself better. Yes, right here in this low country, landlocked, swamp where the air smells like jasmine and magnolia blossoms, where the purple wisteria cascade down to the ground, where the ancient live oak trees tangle themselves to create archways across the road, where people ride their horses right down main street, where I love my lover, my friends and my job... This is where I live, where God has provided a haven for me, and I like it here.  That's what I needed... to remember that.
 

Howl More, Think Less

If well behaved women seldom make history, then I am definitely going to make, if not a wave, certainly a ripple in the books, as I seldom behave. Try as I might I can't seem to fake normal, can't seem to put on that happy face when things are crumbling around me, just can't seem to hold my tongue, stuff it back in and say, "It all happens for a reason... It's all good."  I feel it bubbling up from inside me, and I try to squelch it, but there's nothing that can stop passion's burning flames. Passionate women seldom behave. Men beware. If you love her passion, then you must be able to withstand her fire.

Something has gone so completely askew in the world today. The art of busy is replacing the art of Art.  Those who can catch a ball, throw a ball, punt a ball, putt a ball or merely chase a ball are paid millions, while those who simply have the balls to live their life authentically are paid pennies.  We live in a world where truthfulness is being replaced with political, social and familial correctness, because it requires less time, less effort and is less simply trouble to be polite than it is to be truthful. It is a sad state of affairs when the busy-ness of life overcomes the juiciness of life.

I believe in living juicy. I love that you love your children, your grandchildren, your parents, your sisters, your brothers and your friends... But who or what do you crave?  What fills your cup when it's empty? Who calls your name from the stars above or the darkness of the void? What lights your fire? Put your energy there and be willing and fearless enough to see if  it satiates you or burns you alive. There are no guarantees, and there is no real plan.

No, life is not to be series of tasks to be done, of projects to complete, obligations to fill or rules to be followed. Life is a series of vignettes to be, not watched or read, but danced with the juiciest part of your soul.  Go ahead, dip your toes in the water, howl at the moon, even growl at the moon, certainly dance with the moon. Let it go. Let it all go.  There's plenty more where that came from.

Life is meant to be lived as if your life depended upon sucking every last bit of juice out of a peach while living in a orchard. There's always more. You can screw up, and you will. Your experience will show you how to screw up less next time. And you have plenty of time. And you will screw up again. Time is not a race. It is merely a measurement. We give it way too much importance.

The last few days I have felt the heaviness of the moon. I realized I was doing a lot of contemplating and not much howling. We should never forget the beauty and grounding that rests in our most primordial selves.  I have always liked that bumper sticker that says, "Wag More, Bark Less." I think I want one that says, " Howl More, Think Less."

Have you ever really howled at the moon? Seriously, have you?  Maybe there is just a certain way the planets align when the moon is full, the sky is clear, the stars shine and the moonbeams glisten on the ocean's shore or on the mountain's top, when the depth of her glow penetrates the thickness of your mortal body and a howl, maybe even a growl, bellows up from the deepest part of your earthiness and cries, YES!   I know that, yes. And so does every other wild woman breathing on this planet. Prostrations to you, my beloveds. Howl on!

Belief

“If you have yet to be called an incorrigable, defiant woman,
don’t worry, there is still time.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés






I have learned that there is no payoff in getting twisted up about what people believe, how they spend their time or the thoughts they entertain. Self-righteousness is a real turn off for me and is the reason I ascribe to no particular religion. While the roots of most organized religions are based on Absolute Truth, I find any organized religion to have branches of dogma, hypocrisy and "absolutes" (subjective truth defined by the followers of God, not God).  I see tremendous value in those of like mind gathering together for worship, but can see only negativity come when those gathering of like mind believe that those who do not believe the way they do are wrong. It doesn't matter who you are or what you believe... If  in order to validate your beliefs, you make others wrong for theirs; you are not convinced of what you believe. I am convinced of that. And it doesn't matter what religion or non-religion, whether it's a group of Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, New Agers or Atheists, it seems when they gather together they tend to judge the others. Whether it's a condescending, "I will pray their your sinful ways"... or just a superior attitude that we are chosen or more intelligent or more enlightened, it's just judgement based on our fears and our need to be better or right to feed our own ego. God has no ego that needs stroking... So above all, don't do it in the name of God. It has nothing to do with our relationship to God. It's none of our business how someone else worships God.

I often tend to live in my own little world and have been that way since I was a child. Most would say I have always danced to beat of a different drummer. Maybe because I was the youngest in my family, because I was the only girl, because I was the smallest, the weakest and the softest voice... instead of speaking out, creating a ruckus or taking a stand, I would just watch. So many things I was unable to control because of my  position in the herd, I learned to accept what I couldn't change. But because I was always a deep thinker and became very good at observing, I learned about people, about their behaviors, about their strengths and their weaknesses. Since I already accepted that I couldn't control others, I learned to care more about my behaviors, my thoughts, my beliefs and leave others to their own.  I like my own little world but I realize it's just that, my own little world.

Perhaps because that little girl with the soft voice didn't speak out much about what she observed but rather ate it up as food for thought,  she became a deep thinker. All that deep thinking resulted in a better understanding of who she was and she developed her own relationship with the world and with God not based on what other people believed.... but based on what she believed. Not one to blindly believe in anything, I have always tested the waters, lived on the edge a bit to see where it would take me and I have learned that beliefs cannot be counted upon. My beliefs change. I try not to hold too tightly to them, as I realize I am often wrong about things. Beliefs are meant to be tested. If a belief stands up to the test, it becomes a conviction. Convictions don't need to be held onto, however, they never leave us. A conviction makes a permanent imprint on our consciousness. A conviction needs no validation. 

I am no longer the youngest, the smallest or the weakest. I am a strong, confident, incorrigible, defiant woman overflowing with self-expression. I am often wrong, but I am often right. I expect the space to do and think as I please, and will act exactly as I have that right. Although I cannot honestly say I don't care what other people think of me (although I wish I could be free of that), I can honestly say I don't care what you believe. Believe what you believe, but try to understand what you believe and sort it out for yourself. Be willing to drop beliefs that are not yours, that don't make common sense or that hurt other people. Stay open and when your belief transcends into a conviction, stand in your own space and revel in it. Shout it from the mountain top if it feels good to you but if you are expecting validation from others, you will be sadly disappointed.  There is only one Absolute Truth and it's the only thing you need to be convinced of. Know That and you know all you need to know. Everything else is subjective. Enjoy the ride. It's wild and wonderful journey.

Humility

Humility is a virtue that saves us when faced with the powerlessness of evolution. The Holy Design for the entire universe is evolution. Everything in nature is cooperating in accordance with Divine Order to make the world more hospitable for all it's creatures. Sometimes that is hard to see in the midst of chaos and suffering, but we must not lose faith.

It is when we are out of balance with Nature, when we are resisting the flow, and when we are acting out of fear rather than from love, that we suffer. It is impossible to manipulate Divine Order, yet we continue to struggle for control rather than accept it's design. Often it is only when we go into the depths of crisis, when something devastating occurs, that we realize the powerlessness we have over Natural Law.  

There is an order and balance in the universe that coexists with an unyielding unpredictability beyond human control. Just as the tides roll, the sun sets, the moon rises and the rains come, life flows without our direction. We are intrinsically wired with the urge for wholeness and if we tune in, we realize this is our motivating force. It takes humility to recognize we are only the center of our own tiny, little, microscopic universe amongst an infinite number of other tiny, little microscopic universes in the One Universe we are merely a particle of.

Evolution is a universal project. Ego likes to believe this is a personal goal. While the spiritual journey may be a personal one, it is only personal to the individual "I."  We are all simply playing our individual roles in a collective transformation of Consciousness. Wholeness is the urge of the Universe; therefore, individual plans are secondary. If we can accept our roles dutifully, if we can see the beauty and respect the Holy Design of Nature, we will find ourselves celebrating our existence. If we can can answer the call to be the most loving people we can be, we will find ourselves in a state of humility bathing in a sea of infinite love and acceptance.

Power of Choice

What a difference a year makes. Last fall I landed in a new town. Literally, that was what it felt like, a landing. I arrived back to the States from a 6 month journey in India not knowing what I wanted to do or where I wanted to live. All arrows pointed to Aiken, South Carolina. Since arrows pointing versus a "pin the tail on the donkey" choice seemed the wiser of the two, here I find myself 15 months later with a brand new life beyond my imagination.  And that is real life... existing beyond the limitations of our imagination. 

I had been in search of freedom, becoming less and less attached to things, to people, to comfort zones, but I still wasn't liberated. I have discovered something new this past year. I think I was approaching detachment from the wrong perspective. What keeps us bound are our thoughts and beliefs, not our things, our relationships or our comfort zones. We experience limitations, because we believe our thoughts.

The mind is like a computer. We must be aware of what we are downloading into it. Discernment is a powerful tool. Decide to accept and reject. We need to free ourselves from the limitations we have accepted in the here and now. Freedom will never happen in the future, as it is an awareness of the moment. A new thought is like soft clay. It can be reshaped. An old thought fired in the kiln of our emotions has to be broken with a sledge hammer.

I find myself more entangled with the world at present, more commitments and more responsibilities than in my "freedom searching" years; however, I have found greater freedom in my newly entangled life. Interesting, when you are not searching for something, you are more likely to happen upon it. A few months ago a good friend reminded me something about myself and gave me some powerful advice. She said, "You need to always remember you have an amazing endurance for accepting things that don't work for you."  It really made me think. Do I want to endure my life, or do I want to live it? I choose to live it.

Don't get me wrong. Acceptance is important. Without it we would surely go mad, as most events that occur in our life are beyond our control. But we don't have to accept our imagined limitations. Imagination has countless building blocks. We can use them to build walls that close us in or doorways that open us to the expansiveness of life.

Confusion can be a very good thing. It takes away the security that we have all the answers in our pocket. Freedom from concepts allows new experience. Preconceived ideas keep out truth. The need to believe something often interferes with our reasoning, as we have a tendency to believe what we want to believe. Observation is the most helpful tool in freeing ourselves from preconceived ideas and beliefs. We suffer from undirected, uncultivated minds, such an unnecessary waste of life.

Mind as the interpreter is a very tricky thing, as it only hears what it wants to hear. The chattering of the subconscious can be loud and overpowering. Reflection is the key. Sit and watch your mind. Deal with what comes up. Use your power of choice and be discriminant of the thoughts you entertain. Don't allow mind to spin out of control with negative thoughts and fears. Feel passionately in the moment, but release emotions attached to the past.

We learn from making mistakes. Learn from them, but stop repeating them. Be clear on what you know versus what you have simply intellectualized. When you intellectualize, you pretend to yourself you know. True knowing leads to action. Watch your actions to understand what you truly know. It's best not to waste time on questions that can't be answered. Self-mastery is the key to liberation. 

Spend a few moments before going to sleep to clear your mind. The thoughts you are holding onto when you fall asleep are the thoughts that most strongly affect your subconscious. Gratitude keeps us in divine flow. Forgiveness is love manifest. I go to sleep this evening with my heart overflowing gratitude for my rich, full life, for all my entanglements with the world, for all my freedom, for all my mistakes, and all the my successes. As my mind defragments from the day, forgiveness wells up in my consciousness for the holy mess I am, for the holy mess I create and for the holy mess caused by others. Perfection cannot manifest on the human level. God does not work for us. God works through us. The right choice always is simply seek God.

Common Sense

The road to happiness is paved by none other than your own common sense. Most things in life are not as they appear and almost everything in this world of illusion is a lie. There are truths covering lies, and lies covering truths. We prefer to believe what we think will protect us from the fears that we hold onto rather than developing the courage to view things as they truly are. And it never works to our advantage. Yet, we continue to do so against our common sense.

We know, and we know we know. Our common sense knows the truth. It is our belief systems that are often quite faulty. What is true, is true and will hold up to any skepticism or interrogation.  The lies that we tell our self to protect our image and the lies that others tell us to protect their image, cannot hold a candle to the light of truth. If we can accept the fact that we lie to our self and that others will lie to us, the lies that we believe will simply dissipate when we choose not to believe them any longer. Yes, it's a choice.

Common sense is that voice inside that doesn't waiver. It is the voice that tells us when we are too much, when we are too emotionally indulgent, when we spend too much, when we eat too much, when we drink too much... when we are wasting our time, energy and money. Our common sense does not need any acceptance, support or validation. It is simply present with it's wisdom. We waste our time, energy and money on attempting to accept, support and validate the lies we choose to believe, because we want to be accepted, because we are afraid to open the wounds where we have been hurt, because we need validation of our presence rather than simply being present. 

We cannot believe that we are enough, that the world is enough, that we have enough. We cannot accept that we are already smart enough, beautiful enough and rich enough. However, we believe others when they tell us we are not good enough. We believe a societal norm that says we do not have enough. We believe our self, that we are not lovable enough. Common sense knows this is not true. Common sense knows that's it's all okay, that we are okay and that the world is okay.

Common sense understands and trusts Divine Order. Fear knows only chaos and trusts nothing. Fear is the shaking, quivering voice that tells us we are prey and the world is our predator. And it's simply just not true. The only way to hear the voice of our own common sense is to stop lending our ears to the screaming and ranting of our fears. Common sense is like the sound of a steady drum beat. Fear is like the screeching of a wounded animal. Choose which you prefer to listen to and turn your ears that direction. Follow the drum beat of your own common sense and your fears will settle in the backseat. Life is not always easy, not always beautiful, not always clean. Sometimes it's hard and ugly and messy. When life is sweet, stop and celebrate it. When life is difficult, just keep walking on the path and let common sense be your guide.