The purpose of relationship is not for two incomplete people to
become complete. The purpose of relationship is for two people to ignite
each other for deeper exploration of their own being so that they will
become a more clear channel of Spirit and support each other for a
greater to connection to God. We are whole and complete just as we are.
There is no other person that can realize this for us. We can all relate
to the desire to find the perfect partner. It is pretty much an
obsession in our society to find that special someone for that special
relationship. If we don't have a special someone, we are typically
looking for one. And if we do have a special someone, we are usually
trying to fix them so that they better fit our ideal.
One
of our biggest delusions is that a relationship can fix us. The second
is that we can fix someone else. Often we want to love and feel love
because of psychic wounds. We think there is some special someone out
there that can make our pain go away and if we find someone that soothes
that pain even just a little, we hold on for dear life no matter how
much mud it drags us through. The only love that completes us, the only
love that heals us is the love of God. However, God doesn't stroke our
hair at night, so more so than Ultimate Peace, we crave a warm body.
Often we think we are "in love" with a person when we are anything but. Curious creatures that we are, we are always looking for something and then sabotaging it when we find it. This is because we are looking for the wrong thing. When we are looking for that special relationship, we are seeking to heal the wrong wound. Our wound is too deep for a mortal to handle. We seek to fill our internal emptiness caused by a sense of separation from own Self.
We approach relationship from a place of need, "What can I get? How are my needs going to be met?" As long as we use relationships to serve our ego's purposes, we will fail at them. If we are not allowing others to make mistakes and be themselves, we can know we are not accepting our own mistakes and being our self. The ego isn't looking for someone to love in as much as the ego is looking for someone to blame because if there is no one else to blame, we must blame ourselves.
It is more palatable to see our faults in another. In reality, we are only seeing a reflection of our own self. A relationship must have a solid foundation of truth or there is really nothing there at all except games for the mind to play in already very well worn psychic grooves.... just patterns to be repeated. We look for these reflections of our self to discover what lies beneath the surface. Unfortunately, when we see what's there, we are sometimes disillusioned and afraid. The truth of us is not usually the image we prefer to project. We wear masks for each other as not to expose our rawness, our ugliness or our scars. If I am afraid to show you the real truth about me... my fears and my weaknesses... it is because I am afraid that if you see them, you'll leave. It is because I am assuming you are as judgmental and unaccepting as I am. And I need you, because I do not feel whole.
More than teaching us to love and accept ourselves, often our "special" relationships teach us to attack and defend. They often end leaving us feeling either victimized or guilty. Instead of self love, self acceptance and self esteem, they teach us co-dependence, create psychic wounds and how to disrespect ourselves. So what is the answer? How do we fill the void? How do we fulfill the desire to connect with each other without loosing touch with the truth of ourselves? How do we feel complete? We start by being truthful with our self first. And if we don't know how to do that, we should pray until we figure it out, because that's all we have.
Our neuroses in relationships mostly stems from our own agendas for the other person or the relationship itself. It is not our job to try to make a relationship into something we think it should be. It is our job to find what is sacred in ourselves first and then look for that in the other person. Whatever we look for we will find. Sacredness is not a thing. Sacredness is an awareness. If we don't see that, perhaps they're not meant for us. Not every relationship is meant to be the ultimate romance. Many relationships are simply for a space in time. A sacred relationship is for a lifetime.
Until we know what it is we truly desire we will continue to aimlessly seek all that which is wrong for us only to find fault in others and in ourselves. At the deepest place within each of us is the desire to be whole. Wholeness is the only antidote to loneliness. If we are feeling alone, if we are afraid, it is because we have the mistaken belief we are separate from God. Unity with God is not an experience or an intellectual concept. It is the truth we eventually arrive upon.
Don't kid yourself. If you need someone to complete you, your priorities are eschew. The only sacred relationship is with God. All others stem from that like branches on a tree. Get it right with God first. Get it right with your Self. Learn to see yourself without the mask, and then expose yourself to others. Imposters can only know imposters. Beloveds can only know Beloveds.
One
of our biggest delusions is that a relationship can fix us. The second
is that we can fix someone else. Often we want to love and feel love
because of psychic wounds. We think there is some special someone out
there that can make our pain go away and if we find someone that soothes
that pain even just a little, we hold on for dear life no matter how
much mud it drags us through. The only love that completes us, the only
love that heals us is the love of God. However, God doesn't stroke our
hair at night, so more so than Ultimate Peace, we crave a warm body.Often we think we are "in love" with a person when we are anything but. Curious creatures that we are, we are always looking for something and then sabotaging it when we find it. This is because we are looking for the wrong thing. When we are looking for that special relationship, we are seeking to heal the wrong wound. Our wound is too deep for a mortal to handle. We seek to fill our internal emptiness caused by a sense of separation from own Self.
We approach relationship from a place of need, "What can I get? How are my needs going to be met?" As long as we use relationships to serve our ego's purposes, we will fail at them. If we are not allowing others to make mistakes and be themselves, we can know we are not accepting our own mistakes and being our self. The ego isn't looking for someone to love in as much as the ego is looking for someone to blame because if there is no one else to blame, we must blame ourselves.
It is more palatable to see our faults in another. In reality, we are only seeing a reflection of our own self. A relationship must have a solid foundation of truth or there is really nothing there at all except games for the mind to play in already very well worn psychic grooves.... just patterns to be repeated. We look for these reflections of our self to discover what lies beneath the surface. Unfortunately, when we see what's there, we are sometimes disillusioned and afraid. The truth of us is not usually the image we prefer to project. We wear masks for each other as not to expose our rawness, our ugliness or our scars. If I am afraid to show you the real truth about me... my fears and my weaknesses... it is because I am afraid that if you see them, you'll leave. It is because I am assuming you are as judgmental and unaccepting as I am. And I need you, because I do not feel whole.
More than teaching us to love and accept ourselves, often our "special" relationships teach us to attack and defend. They often end leaving us feeling either victimized or guilty. Instead of self love, self acceptance and self esteem, they teach us co-dependence, create psychic wounds and how to disrespect ourselves. So what is the answer? How do we fill the void? How do we fulfill the desire to connect with each other without loosing touch with the truth of ourselves? How do we feel complete? We start by being truthful with our self first. And if we don't know how to do that, we should pray until we figure it out, because that's all we have.
Our neuroses in relationships mostly stems from our own agendas for the other person or the relationship itself. It is not our job to try to make a relationship into something we think it should be. It is our job to find what is sacred in ourselves first and then look for that in the other person. Whatever we look for we will find. Sacredness is not a thing. Sacredness is an awareness. If we don't see that, perhaps they're not meant for us. Not every relationship is meant to be the ultimate romance. Many relationships are simply for a space in time. A sacred relationship is for a lifetime.
Until we know what it is we truly desire we will continue to aimlessly seek all that which is wrong for us only to find fault in others and in ourselves. At the deepest place within each of us is the desire to be whole. Wholeness is the only antidote to loneliness. If we are feeling alone, if we are afraid, it is because we have the mistaken belief we are separate from God. Unity with God is not an experience or an intellectual concept. It is the truth we eventually arrive upon.
Don't kid yourself. If you need someone to complete you, your priorities are eschew. The only sacred relationship is with God. All others stem from that like branches on a tree. Get it right with God first. Get it right with your Self. Learn to see yourself without the mask, and then expose yourself to others. Imposters can only know imposters. Beloveds can only know Beloveds.
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