Leaping

She Could Not Be Reached
 "I go where no man has trod before, 
Where no system can follow, 
A place where passion awaits those, 
Who go beyond the barriers of 
Superficial man-made dreams."

~Jane Evershed

It has been awhile since I have been focused and still enough to write. I have been teetering on an edge for quite some time, and last week it seems I leaped. This morning I sit alone with my stillness reflecting on the last few weeks. The reality of my choices is making it's debut appearance. It is interesting how many distractions I can find when fear is knocking on my door. 

Void of distractions this morning, I am in a contemplative mood carefully checking for damage from the free fall. A few bumps and bruises but thus far, I find no permanent injury. I am realizing that I have been more anxious than I had allowed myself to think about, and it is funny how little I think while leaping. The butterflies in my stomach are settling down and a calmness is soothing my system, as some clarity is dawning through this stillness.

Why do we do what we do? This is such penetrating question. Another one is, "Why don't we explore more often why we do what we do?" Until we step back and observe our monkey mind, we can never know. We will continue to be subject to our own whims and fancies, our distractions and most of all our deeply embedded behavior patterns. The endless cycle of unconsciously living our life perpetuates more of the same thing, over and over again.  

We continually busy ourselves with so many things that it is nearly impossible to actually be with our self long enough to give any sincere, conscious direction to our lives. We just blindly follow one behavior pattern after the other without questioning what it is we are doing.  We are driven by what we desire. Difficulty is most of us are not clear enough to know what it is we truly desire. We all want to be happy, but we often fail miserably at realizing what makes us happy. We spin our wheels fulfilling our fleeting desires, because we are too afraid to be unhappy for even a moment. Reality is we can never maintain constant happiness, nor can we hold onto unhappiness forever. All emotions are as fleeting as our desires. 

Change is scary, and growth can be uncomfortable; but if you keep reaching outside your comfort zone, one day you will reach it. There is such beauty and wonder in new beginnings, but new beginnings often require a leap. Pay attention to the free fall, that's where you learn what you are made of; and when stripped of our facades, we are all made of the same stuff.  If you can find yourself in your center in the center of uncertainty, then you have found yourself. Until then you are simply entertaining your monkey mind.