Evolution of the Human

Our consciousness is very complex. This complexity can be overwhelming and also very thick. There is a  Divine Order to our evolutionary process. It unfolds systematically so that we evolve rather than go mad.  The mind needs form and organization so that can take in vastness of  all that IS in way that does not blow our minds. 

First, we are given one thing to focus on.  That first thing is survival.If you ever feel you need grounding, just eat some food. It will take you to the your roots immediately. It is the most primordial desire we have.

Once we realize we can survive, we will not go hungry and our life is not in danger, we can begin to notice the world around us. Our emotional body is then developed, and we seek relationship. After we feel connected to the world, the desire to feel, to love and to share our life with others remains a part of us. We start to feel empowered by knowing we are safe, we will be fed and we will be loved. A foundation has been laid and we begin to question what is our relationship to the world, and how can I best utilize this relationship. At this stage, we have a fully developed ego.

 It is at this level where most of the world is stuck. Do I use my powers for good or evil? Do I continue to feed myself, protect myself and fulfill my desires, or do I use this empowerment, this intelligence and this abundance for, not only my highest good, but to the highest good of others as well? It is at this level, the human being can transcend the animal. Until then, minus a tail and all our thinking, we are pretty much the same. 

When we transcend our animal consciousness, the door to our heart is opened, and the waters of compassion flood our being.  It is here that we integrate and begin to express the beauty of our divinity.  As the fullness of our Divine expression comes to fruition, the veil of Maya becomes transparent, and the Seed of our Consciousness is revealed.  The perfection of our Divine Self is realized.

This evolution occurs at different rates within different individuals, but the same system is programmed in every human being. This, my friends, is the only destiny we have. It may take aeons, but eventually we all evolve. 

Ultimate Freedom

Free speech, free country, free people, free spirit. What is it we need to be free of really? Is it perhaps our own self? Often we think freedom is the ability to do as we please, to say what we please and above all else, to think as we please. This freedom should be our birthright, not our life’s purpose. Who can stop us from thinking as we please? Who stops us from doing anything, from saying anything? 

It is fear that makes us bound. It is our conditioning that makes us fearful. We live in a world based on conditions. It is a conditional world. The Course in Miracles says, “There are only two experiences, love and fear.” If you are not experiencing love, it is because you are fearful. You can’t experience fear and love at the same time. It’s an either or. Love cancels out fear. Unconditional love is such a blissful, joyful, inspirational, desirable concept; however, we can’t experience unconditional love. We cannot because unconditional love is beyond conditions and our experience is based on conditions. We only know unconditional love from the unconditional part of us. Conditional love is an experience and much better experience than fear. The more we love, the less we fear.

It is this unconditional part of us that can know Ultimate Freedom. Ultimate Freedom is unconditional freedom, meaning I still know I am ultimately free whether I am having the experience of freedom or not. We cannot experience unconditional freedom anymore than we can experience unconditional love.  We can experience the freedom to say what we want, to do what we want and to think what we want, but what we want to say, do and think is based on our conditioning. It stands to reason then, the problem starts with conditioning. We are conditioned to be fearful and therefore, conditioned to be bound, so how do we get from bondage to Ultimate Freedom?

The solution is to go beyond our conditioning. First step is we must discover what it is we really want to say, do and think and then start saying, doing and thinking those things. Sounds very simple but not always so easy for us to know what it is we really want; And number two, not only must we know what we want, we must take action on that knowing. Most of our conditioning is just programming from our culture, our family, our peers, etc. To discover our True Nature in all this, we have to drop all of it. For some it may be as easy as a snap of the fingers to drop conditioning that does not align with the truth of our self. For some it might be quite a long and arduous process. For others, some conditioning is easily dropped but the conditioning that is more deeply imbedded in us is most difficult to even discover. We not only need to step outside the box, the box must be destroyed.

Destroying the box does not mean, we kill the ego or kill the mind or kill anything. Our body/mind system operates through conditioning, so we don’t even want to kill our conditioning. Ultimate Freedom is not about killing anything. Ultimate Freedom is the realization of what IS. And what IS, is what is unconditional. What IS exists beyond conditions. It only appears to us through conditions in this conditional world. Ultimate Freedom is the realization I am not this doer living under conditions in a conditional world. I am THAT, which is the everlasting formlessness that is the essence of everything.  I am the Awareness that is aware of  the doer, it’s conditions, it’s fears of what is says, thinks and does; but I am not them.  

How do we arrive at this realization then? We must deal with our conditional parts first. We have to understand them. We have to deem them worthy or unworthy of our attention, accept them or reject them.  Conditions are made up of our beliefs.  Eventually our beliefs must become convictions or they should be tossed out. We can’t forget the second part and that is, acting on the truth of what we know.  That’s how beliefs become established as convictions. When we begin to act in accordance with what we say and think, we start to live truthfully. When we start to live truthfully, fears are dealt with. Fear only wants our attention, not our power. If we keep denying fear exists, it’s like saving it for a rainy day. If we just go ahead and accept fear as it is, fear is exposed for its illusory and transient nature. It is only then we can transcend it, and we only want to transcend fear, not kill it. 

A huge stumbling block on the path of freedom is making the mistake of confusing conditional freedom for Ultimate Freedom.  A common fear is the fear of giving away our power to someone else. A common goal is to take our power back. First we must examine the fear of losing our power. What is this power someone can take? Power is conditional.  If we feel someone has taken our power, it is usually because we feel they have restricted our freedom to say, do and think as we want. Again, the problem isn’t in the other person. The problem lies in our conditioning. 

There are certain “bargains” we make with each other. Here’s a most common one, “You take care of me and support me, and I’ll say, do and think as you wish.”  Now, it is not common for people to make this kind of bargain upfront. It is often a given, or an expectation and not usually discussed until someone does not like what someone else says, how they act or the way they think. We all have a tendency to want others do as we want them to do, to speak as we want them to and think as we want them to and depending on how far off they miss the mark, determines how much time and energy we give to that other person.  Those who please us more get more from us. It’s a power play. We give. We get. It’s a simple equation that just goes back and forth.  If you expect too much from me and I withdraw, who has the power now?  It is always hard to say who holds the power in relationships, because it is based on ever changing conditions. We need to just accept this for what it is.

If I am living in my parents’ home, regardless of my age, I must abide by their rules. If I can’t, than I am free to go. If I choose to stay and abide by their rules, am I not free? Yes, I am free. It is not the abiding by someone's  rules or desires that keeps us bound. It is the misunderstanding that lasting freedom will come through some condition. If I am unhappy with the rules or my parents and feel that I am not free to say, do and think as I please, why would I continue to stay? I would stay because the benefits I get from it outweigh the lack of freedom I experience or because I am afraid to really say, do and think as I please. Either way it’s based on conditions and conditional freedom. We are always giving our power away, and taking it back. It’s just a game. 

When we have taken our power back, when we have stood up to our parents, our teachers, our spouses, our friends, our culture, etc.; when we have found our voice, our minds and our hearts, when we have grown tired of paying the game of conditional freedom, we start to hunger for something more. We hunger for something permanent, something that is not a passing experience. Ultimate Freedom is not an experience. It is a truth to be realized that requires a radical shift in perception. Power has never been ours to give or to take. Ultimate Freedom reveals our powerlessness. Power is only there for us to use, as with everything else in existence. Power, abundance, strength, courage, love are all positive conditions. Use them freely. Play often, but play good games. Like attracts like. 

There is a saying, “Do one thing a day that scares you.” I think this a good practice for realizing Ultimate Freedom. Ultimate Freedom is freedom from the fears that keep us in the same old psychological grooves we have had for the aeons. Face your fears and break the chains that bind you.  Your conditioning will naturally change to reflect your new awareness. You’ll find a new groove and love more and fear less. Ultimate Freedom is already ours.

Do it Differently

The voices in my head continue to speak. In continuation of my exploration of Ultimate Freedom, a different concept to experiment with seems to come, as if from the ethers, each day. I am not questioning those voices, as thus far, they seem to be directing me into right alignment with my Self. The first day was the walking the path of least resistance and being open to life as it unfolds. Yesterday was finding beauty. Today the inspiration came to do things differently, whenever and wherever I could. Now, this was more challenging. Our conditioned patterns are so engrained in us that we don't even realize we have them.

I have been enjoying this yoga class in the afternoons, which is also offered in the morning, so I went to the morning class instead. Early mornings are chilly here until the sun heats things up around 10am, so my body was a little more stiff. I have been practicing Yoga for so long that I have a tendency to approach postures in my own particular way. I decided before class that I would do the practice exactly how the teacher instructed regardless. Some postures were more challenging for me because I got into them his way versus my way, and I discovered I also had some patterns in my body that needed undoing. I was grateful to find them. Now I have some new approaches that I feel will bring greater alignment to my body, but it was a struggle both physically and mentally to do them differently. Already in my plans was to move to a different guesthouse from where I had been staying, so that was a given to change. I am enjoying my new abode with his majestic mountaintop view of the Ganges, but packing up and moving seemed like a chore. I took a different route on my walk today. If I found myself naturally walking slow, I would speed up. If I found myself walking fast, I would slow down. Interestingly, I noticed that even these simple changes required effort to do.

The previous 2 days it was very easy to remember my set intention for the day. Today I kept forgetting that my intention was to do things differently. Our system isn't always open to change, even if it's small. I wasn't feeling that I was getting as much from this exercise as I had the others, so I decided I needed to make my intention stronger. Then the thought came to me, it is not my natural way to just go up and speak to strangers. Sometimes it's shyness on my part. Sometimes it's introspection, and sometimes I am just too self-absorbed to care what is going on with anyone else. When this thought came to me, I knew if I were to be following my own intention to things differently, then I would have to speak to some strangers.

I could feel the awkwardness well up about doing something out of character for me. "Oh, you silly woman," I thought to myself. You're a grown-up. People consider you a strong, courageous person, and you can't strike up a conversation with someone you don't know?" I am not one that often says no to a challenge, so I started with a woman, asking about a bag that she had. I sincerely liked it, so I asked her about it. She seemed happy to have someone to talk to, and our interaction was sweet. I saw a young man who seemed to be looking for something. He was trying to find the post office. I knew where it was. I felt good that I could help someone. I even tried to talk to someone, a man who wasn't interested in talking to me. It was a good mirror for me that showed how it is for someone else that wants to engage with me when I don't want to. It wasn't bad. I just shrugged it off. It was only an experiment, right? In all this, that is one of the things I am discovering, life is like an experiment to discover who we are.

Today didn't bring the same bliss the other two days' experiments brought, but it did bring more introspection. Conditioning and routine make life easier for us, but they can also keep us stuck at times. It is important to examine our patterns to see if they are serving us in any purposeful way or just creating road blocks for us. We don't have to work on ourselves. We don't need to fix ourselves. We only to be open to life, look for the beauty in it and be willing to find a new groove if the old one is too worn to be of any use any longer. There is nothing to do. It has already been done, so just relax and be with what IS. 

I am excited to see what the voices tell me tomorrow.

Finding Beauty

I am on a mission of sorts here in Rishikesh. Not only have I left everything and everybody back home in the US, I have now left everyone here in India. I took off by myself for bit here in India to explore Ultimate Freedom. I have no worries and no responsibilities. I have no obligations to anything or anyone. I have no schedule. I can stay as long as want and leave whenever I want to. I can spend my time howsoever I please, wheresoever I please. Now, breathe that in. Sounds pretty awesome, right? Every now and then I have to pinch myself to make sure I am still me.

I am most grateful for this opportunity, and I want to get the most juice out of this experience as I can possibly squeeze out of it. Each morning after my daily routine of sadhana, I set an intention for what I would like to explore for the day. I want to test all my beliefs and concepts so that they become convictions. If my beliefs or concepts fail my tests, then I want to drop them once and for all. I am downsizing my belief system, so to speak.  Yesterday, I explored the path of least resistance to see what it was like being open to everything within reason. I discovered that life is much more joyful and juicy when you engage with it.

Today, I went out to look for beauty wherever I could find it. I asked myself where was the most beautiful place I could go and what was the most beautiful experience I could think to have. The answer came, "taking a dip in the Ganges at the rocky beach near Ram Jhula." I also decided that morning was the most beautiful time of day, and the most beautiful walk I knew of was the quiet pat along the river between Laxman and Ram Jhula. It's a long walk from where I am staying to where I was going, so I knew I would encounter many beautiful things, so I decided to visually document the beauty that I knew would unfold for me. I put my camera in my pocket, and off I went in search of beauty.

The sun had already peaked up over the mountaintop, and it's glistening hues of pink greeted me as I turned the corner onto the main road. As I winded down the steep, rocky path of broken road, the soft sounds of morning sung to my ears. Birds chirped, cows mooed, people chattered and rickshaws sputtered. Turning a corner a statue of Hanuman, that I must have passed a dozen times before and not seen, caught my attention for the first time. With his hands folded in prayer, it was as if he was blessing me on search for beauty. I noticed the sweetness of his smile and the humbleness portrayed on his face. I was touched by his beauty.

I saw countless signs of beauty everywhere I looked. It was like a new world had opened up for me today. It wasn't that I didn't think yesterday that this was a beautiful place. Who doesn't think Rishikesh is beautiful? It was like I was seeing it with different eyes. I don't know how this inspiration came to me to set these intentions. How does any inspiration come? They just come and if we are open, we act on them. So far in my exploration of Ultimate Freedom, I am learning to live life more juicy.

Connection is an interesting concept. When I feel as if I am connected to someone, I am feeling that someone is understanding me and I am understanding them. When I no longer understand that person or feel misunderstood, I feel disconnected. It takes the reference point of “I” to feel either connected or disconnected. If I feel connected, I must feel connected to something or someone. When I feel that I need to connect, that means I must be feeling a definite sense of an “I” that is not “you.” When I am feeling connected, the boundaries of you and I become less defined. The percentage that I feel connected defines how sharp or how blurry those lines are drawn. When I am feeling 100% connected, connection itself because a mute point. Then connection becomes merging, and I think beyond merging is integration. Integration is when I can no longer remember you or me, and there is only one of us.

Disconnection happens when we resist, when we pull back, when we are fearful. Really crazy thing is that connection brings us joy and disconnection brings us sadness; however, it is often easier for us to disconnect, to resist, to pull back and to get back in our box than it is to let go, dive in, face ourselves and blast the container separating us from the connection we so deeply desire.

I am a big fan of “The Course in Miracles. “ In the Course it says that there are only two experiences we can have, and we can’t experience them at the same time... love or fear. If I am feeling love for you and from you, I cannot be afraid of you. If I am feeling afraid of you, I cannot be feeling love for you or from you. I am not talking about romantic or emotional love; I am talking about love in the sense of a deep and profound connection. Emotions are just whatever they are. They come and they go. They rise and they fall. The less importance we give to their fluctuating and impermanent existence, the more connected we become.

Emotional connection, no matter how sweet it is, will not last. It is not possible. Emotions or experiences we hold onto too tightly only become suffering. It is our resistance and holding on that shifts our awareness from love to fear. We should celebrate bliss, happiness and joy. We should endure anger, sadness and pain, but never should we try to hold onto that which is most elusive by nature. All thoughts are passing, all feelings are passing and all experiences are ever changing. If you aren’t experiencing love, than fear less. If you aren’t experiencing fear, then love more. Everything is a chain reaction. Be that which you seek.

It's All God

It’s all God. If I were to only be allowed one thought to be with me throughout eternity it would be, “It’s all God.” If I could only know one thing throughout my entire existence it would be, “It’s all God.” If I could only remember one thing it would be, “It’s all God.”

If all my thoughts, feelings, knowledge and memory were aligned with this awareness, then I would see God, feel God, and remember God in every moment, in every experience, in everything of this world and everything beyond it. I would see beauty in the ugliest of creatures. I would feel bliss through the worst of suffering. I would know clarity in the most chaotic of times.

What we seek, seek us. If I am only seeking God, then God is all I will find. Self-recollectedness is not only the remembrance of who we are, it is the merging and integration of our being as it is in alignment with this realization, “It’s all God.” There is not a single thing in existence that God does not reside in. There is not a thought, feeling or experience that did not come from God. To see God, we only need look for God. To remember God, we only need to think of God. To know God, we must reach beyond the illusion, and seek only Truth.

Freedom & Bondage

Are you bound or are you free? This is a question my teacher asks frequently. My usual indecisive answer to it reveals my lack of clarity. I feel freer than I used to feel. I experience profound moments of freedom, and have experienced blocks of time lasting up to a couple weeks, in which I had a sense of ultimate freedom. I, however, very often feel bound. 

 

I am no longer bound in superficial ways. I have renounced a lot superficial baggage. I am free of a lot of the survival fears, as well as a lot of the material and emotional attachments that weighed quite heavy on me in the past. What I have discovered is that bondage is not because of my situation.  It is rooted much deeper in my psyche.  

A deeply seeded fear of losing something, of losing ourselves, of losing our image, of losing our piece of the pie, keeps us bound. Shantji always tells me, “We come into this world alone with nothing, and we will leave this world alone with nothing.”” I agree with this point, so I must ask myself, “What is there to lose?” I think my biggest fear is that of losing myself. I realize that this a nonsensical statement, as how could one lose their own self, right?  The thing about fears are that they are mostly irrational. Except for the healthy fears for true self-preservation, like the fear of jumping into fire or off a tall building, fears are the chains that bind us... They are the glue keeping us stuck in our psychological patterns, the products of repetitive karmas, our samskaras. 

The only way to break free of these samskaras, these psychic grooves, the ties that bind us, is to face our fears. I write about this today, because this week my “bondage issues” have surfaced. I will try to explain the broodings of my mind and the irrationality of my fears to the best of my ability. However, sense they are nonsensical by nature, I doubt they will make much sense to you.

I am a spiritual aspirant of Non-doing. It is my conviction that all of existence happens by itself through God’s Will.  Life is nothing more than Cosmic Play. It is my conviction that I do nothing. I am not the doer. I am merely the observer of the goings on that pass through my field of consciousness. That is my clarity. Here comes my confusion. My present state of “bondage awareness” versus “freedom awareness” is due to the present lack of control I have over my existence.

I have no concerns about food, or shelter. I am being taken care of very lovingly and even lavishly at times. I have no responsibilities at present. I am free to do as I please, when I please.  Sounds like utopia, right?  My grievance is that I feel out of place sometimes in my new environment. I often don’t understand the ways and the language. I don’t know how to get around. I don’t know how to find what I want.  I am used to being independent, and I feel dependent.  The bottom line is that in all that I am graced with, I am diseased with a deeply seeded fear that if I am not in control of my situation. That if I have to depend on others, I might lose myself.

I have not lived a sheltered life. My motto has always been, “I came to live life out loud. I must admit that in all my years, in all my experiences (and I’ve stretched the norms quite a bit), I have never once lost myself. Most crazy thing is, I don’t even think it’s possible to lose myself. Hence, my understanding that fear is irrational. 

Here’s what I do know, that confusion is a result of some contradiction within myself.  If I am convinced I am not a doer, than how is it “I” could ever be independent of anything.  I am dependent of the entire Cosmos for my existence. I am an integral part the One, and so utterly dependent that “I” do not exist without the Whole of Existence.  

We often feel we have many fears, but in actuality they are usually just different forms of the same fear. Our basic fears are based on survival and image. Survival is not been a fear I have had much. My well worn psychic grooves are having to do with image. I am less concerned with how others view me than how I view myself.  I am my own worst enemy and my own best friend. I scrutinize my actions as if I were the doer, as if I controlled my fate. It is a slippery slope I dance on which leaves me neither here nor there. Until I reach for the rope of truthfulness to pull me out of the swamp, I remain stuck in the in the muck.  Fortunately, fear fades in the light of truth. If we are courageous enough to be truthful with ourselves, we will know freedom.  Until then, we keep falling into the traps of our brooding mind.

I was told was my name, Uma, meant “a light in the darkness.”  I may be my own worst enemy, but I am also my own light. To turn it on I only need to towards it. May I lose myself in the rapture of my own reflection. May I drown in the ocean of Existence. May I burn in the fire of Wisdom.