Growing into Truth

We point.  We aim. We shoot, and we often miss the mark.  We are so quick to condemn ourselves and others for breaking promises, for failing to follow through and for not meeting our expectations or even our own intentions.  The difference between what we intend to do and what we actually end up doing is often a far distance.   

On only the fourth day of  my 30-day writing challenge I goofed off.  I just forgot to write.  It just slipped my mind.  This is how life is.  This why the world we imagine is not the world we live in.  If we lived deliberately, masterfully and truthfully 24 hours a day, seven days a week, we might start living the life we imagine.  However, we don't live deliberately, masterfully and truthfully.  We often live contrary to what we believe and what we say, but it's okay.  It's all okay.  We are conscious, and we are breathing. 

As long as we are conscious and breathing it's going to be okay.  We are a work in progress.  Self-mastery and truthfulness are challenging disciplines, but make the journey easier.  They help us to miss the mark less.  Until we have mastered them, we repeat the process until we hit the target.  This process teaches us humility, a lessen that will help us bridge the gap between our intentions and our actions.  Often when our intentions collide with the tides of the world, our intentions change in midstream.  This makes life interesting; however, require letting go and humility that are often rough waters to swim through.  Loving each other and ourselves is really hard when we keep breaking promises, when we keep failing to follow through, when we don't meet expectations, when the life we imagined is something entirely different than the life we are living.  But we must.  Above all we must love each other and our ourselves more and more and more.

When we start living deliberately, when our intentions merge with our actions, when we walk our talk, we will meet Truth.  Until then, we keep pointing, aiming and shooting.  We keep loving ourselves in spite of ourselves. We keep growing. We grow into Truth.

Shine On

Stand in your own place and shine there.  From that place of purity, in that place of clarity, know who you are.  Feel your purity shining through your heart center, breaking through the facade of your own image.  Feel the tangled vines of your memories releasing their grip and falling to the ground.  You have always been the same.  The essence of you has been watching the drama of of life unfold but has remained untouched, unharmed and undisturbed, as pure as it ever was.  No one is responsible for your purity, your glory, your goodness, not even you, and it will never leave you.  That is you, and there is nothing you can do that will ever change who you are.  No matter what experiences you have, no matter who you are in relationship with, if you are standing in your own place, you are with God... Because it's all God, so shine on.

On the Other Side of Hell lies Paradise

On the other side of hell lies paradise.  From very early on we've been told there was something wrong with us, something not right in the world.  We were taught to believe that our world needed fixing, that we needed fixing.  We learned that if things weren't perfect, it was our fault, as our natural state is that of perfection.  Try as we might we've never found that perfection we so desperately sought, so we went to battle with our suffering, to battle with ourselves.  We believed suffering did not exist in a perfect world.  

A perfect world does not exist either.  In all our efforts to cultivate perfection, all we've managed to do is struggle against what is really happening, only prolonging our suffering about what might happen or what happened before.  The foundation of our struggle is rooted in our feeling of being wrong compiled with the guilt and shame of being imperfect.  Perfection does exist but only the Divine realm.  The core of  our being is divinely perfect.  The rest of us is a holy mess. The force that runs the world is Divine order.  All else is chaos.

Instead of splitting ourselves into a lower self that has a higher self  it must emulate, we should just befriend our lower self.  Our divine Self doesn't need any help.  Our "bad side," our "lower self," our imperfect humanness needs our attention, our support, our love.   If we push away the parts that hurt, we will never heal and never be whole.  Until we are able to plunge through the ugliness at the surface, we will never find the jewels down below.

We tend to panic when suffering knocks at the door.  We lock the doors, draw the drapes  and batten down the hatches.  Suffering doesn't need an unlocked door, an open window or clear passageway.  Suffering is found where hope and fear are battling it out.  If we have the hope something will happen,  rest assured we also have the fear it won't.  Hope and fear won't go away anymore than suffering will, but when we begin to accept them as part of our human imperfection in an imperfect world, our divine perfection embraces them, loves them, absorbs them.  Hence, no battle, no fixing, no panic.. just acceptance, just love, just celebration.  And on the other side of hell lies paradise.

Ahhhhh... Unemployment

After almost 20 years of being a free-lance Massage Therapist I took a job at a corporate spa last November out of need.  I almost made it a year.  I made 1/3 of what I would've made on my own, which was sometimes painful.  I moved to Greenville last October on a whim.  In my younger years it seemed all I needed to do was plant myself somewhere and the clients would come.  I suppose this was no different except for my impatience for it's fruition and the lessening of my charms with age has made the harvest less fruitful. 

I am most pleased to announce today was my last day.  I am gainfully, happily unemployed.  In all the things I am ending, completing and tying up, I must admit this one I am most delighted to say goodbye to.  The employer was a nice person.  The job was not horrible, and I made a decent wage.  However, it was just not for me.  Business is just business and unfortunately is often soulless. Corporations are for making money not for serving humanity.  I went to my job not because I wanted to serve my clients but because I wanted to make the money.  I am not kidding myself, nor complaining.  A corporation is a good place for that attitude so for my intent, it served it's purpose.  If you are expecting something more fulfilling from that scenario, you will be disappointed. 

Spending most of my adult life being self-employed, I fortunately had escaped most of the dramas others spend most of their lives caught up in.  It doesn't seem to matter what the organization is, if there is group of people working together there must be some structure. Having structure is not the problem and it most necessary to doing anything.  It is when the foundation of the structure is diseased with greed, which in most cases describes the foundation of a corporate structure.

From this diseased foundation forms all the rules and business practices.  Employees are simply to follow the rules and business practices of the diseased foundation.  The only free-thinkers allowed in a corporation are the people at the top who formed it.  Other than those few, free-thinking is not encouraged.  Being an obedient cow in the heard is what is rewarded.  The squeaky wheel gets replaced, not greased.  

Anyway, I learned a lot being an employee.  First, I learned that I can do it if I have to.  Regardless of the drama that goes on in the name of greed, I still found that when I closed the door to my massage room and put my hands on that person, it was just me and them.  There were no liaisons, enemies and cliques.  There was no selling, no upgrading, no us and no them. It was just two people coming together, sharing the same place at the same time.  No matter where that is happening that, dear friends, is the only thing happening.

30 Day Challenge

One cannot be a writer if one does not write.  While scanning the blogs of friends who also blog, I saw a friend of mine who took a 30 day challenge to blog everyday.  Since it appears I need some discipline to write more, I think I too will take on this 30 day Challenge.  Beginning today and through November 20th I will blog everyday.  This will be quite a challenge, as I will be moving again right in the middle of this challenge.

I am not really sure where this move will end up taking me, which is exciting as well as a little unsettling. My first stop will be Florida to leave some belongings, my car and my dog.  The next stop is India.  I will be in India for 6 months this time.  I am certain I have gone mad.  Once again I am paring down my stuff, sorting, packing and storing.  This is becoming a yearly ordeal.  This time I plan to lighten my load down to only a 1/4 of  what I have now.  I am finally surrendering to my inner-gypsy and letting go more and more.  The stuff has become so burdensome that it no longer brings me joy.  Out it goes!

I am getting so used to leaving homes, friends, clients, students and jobs that part doesn't bother me much.  It seems I have become more accepting of the impermanence of  life.  I am finding it more and more difficult to make long range plans, because I just never know.  I never know what will come my way,  how I will feel and what I will want.  I am really more of realist than I am flighty even though I realize this sounds more flighty than realist.  The realist in me recognizes the transitory nature of things.  The practical part me sees no reason for holding onto what is simply passing by and everything is simply passing by.

All thoughts, feelings, desires and experiences are fleeting.  We want to grasp hold of them, but they seem to slip right through our fingers regardless how tight our grip. The hardest things for me to let go of are my things that have sentimental value.  I am realizing that my sweet memories are held in my heart not in my things.  This make this letting go process much easier.

People are much harder to let go of.  I tend to make lifelong friendships.  Those who are dear to me always stay close to heart.  I am very loyal in that sense.  I have had the same best friend since I was 13.  My ex-husband is still considered my family.  My first true love was was a man who taught me how to love someone and I still love in this way... truly, madly  and deeply.  I think if you love someone, there's no reason you should ever stop.

Interestingly, what I often miss about a place is the Nature of it.  When I left Florida, I mourned for the ocean.  In Greenville, I have fallen in love with this mountain I live on and woods I hike in.  There is something magical here on this mountain, in these woods, and I will miss it.  I will miss the sound of the creek running, the smell of sweet grass and the sunlight peaking over the tops of the towering trees.  I do get attached to these sacred places on this planet we live, but how I love discovering new ones.  How blessed we are to be surrounding by such beauty. It's a big, beautiful world out there, and I will soon be off to explore another magical piece of it. 



   

Off the Grid

I live in the what they consider to be the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains near the top of a mountain.  I walk in these woods here pretty much daily.  The majestic tree above me comforts me with it's shade on this sunny, warm and somewhat sticky morning here in South Carolina.  Earlier, as the sun was rising, I went for my morning walk.  I always love to breathe in the soft, gentleness of the light as it peaks over the tree tops.  I enjoy the stillness of the world before it awakens fully, the freshness of a new day as it is beginning and the inspiration it brings.

So mesmerized by the beauty of the day, I just could not be inside with my regular routine of coffee and facebook. Shantji is intensely involved in some FB group experiment to discover a political system that is truthful, conscious minded and effective.  I must admit I am halfheartedly participating in this experiment.  I want to support what he feels passionately about, but my heart seems to be outside here under this tree with the birds singing in my ear and the dogs howling in the distance as if calling my name.  I am even entertained by the spider dangling down in front of me from an almost invisible silk thread.  I feel intoxicated by the scents of Sweet Grass and Jasmine swirling around me.

When I turned on my computer this morning I saw all the political posts.  The republicans and democrats were in the height of their war as the upcoming election grows closer.   I could here Shantji on the phone with his group's mock president enthusiastically (and quite loudly) discussing their new world order with all the political strategies that go along with that sort of thing.  Remembering the peace and stillness of my morning walk, a whiff of Jasmine blew through my window and a morning dove cooed and, as if Nature herself entered my body, I found myself outside under my tree.

I believe in past lives.  I don't have any real, tangible evidence that we reincarnate, but something inside me is convinced we do.  Throughout this particular earthly incarnation I am experiencing, whenever I seem to get "lost" in the beauty of nature, whenever I recognize the awesomeness of all that surrounds me, memories surface of a life long ago.  It's not like a regular memory.  It more like a memory of a certain awareness rather any particular experience.  It is, however, multi-sensual. Then vague remembrances surface out of that.  It's always similar.  It's as if my awe and gratefulness of the beauty that surrounds brings me to an awareness of my intertwinement with all that IS.

I feel as if in my genetic encoding is a nomadic, mystic... a nature spirit that is not part of this "grid."  Somehow nature seems beyond this grid.  In the grid to me means the systems and structures of man... the laws, the rules, the politics... in short... the structure itself.  I realize that without structure and order the world cannot function.  Nature is a perfect design of structure and order.  I've always known that whatever I truly need to know, I can learn from watching nature.  Our present structure in the world is far from being a design mimicking the Divine Order of Nature.  The present system of order running the world comes from the linear thinking minds of man.  I will also add to that the power hungry, greedy, perverted minds of man.

In my walks in these woods, my internal radar picks up memories perhaps from lives before.  I have always felt I have lived many lives in a tribal way.  I think perhaps even on this mountain or the coast line of Northern Florida or even perhaps along the Ganges in India.  The awareness becomes so strong that I feel as if something else takes over my body.  I am never afraid of this experience, as it is more freeing than unsettling.  I feel intense sadness for the way the Native Americans in this country were cheated of their land and their way of life stolen from them.  When I think of all these politics today, I wonder how a Native Chief was chosen?  Somehow I believe he was chosen by his people to lead them, not through a political system, but through the honor and respect of his tribe.  I would imagine a Native Chief earned this respect by living an honorable life.  I would imagine the tribe knew him to be truthful, courageous and kind. I don't imagine they were looking for a polished up version that could inspire them with beautiful words and ideological promises.  I don't imagine a sophisticated intellect weighed in high on their list.   I imagine they were more concerned with his ability to strategically plan for food during the seasons, how to keep their families safe and how to live peacefully with each other.

My answer to all these political delimas, is to go off the grid for awhile.  Turn off your phone and your computer and head to woods, the mountains, the ocean or the dessert and watch Nature for awhile.  Observe how animals work things out and how Nature takes care of itself.   Dig in the dirt, jump in the creek or climb a tree and then go back to your politics, your system, your structure, your phone and your computer.  They will all still be there just buzzing away like a projector left running with no one watching.  Life is not known through the systems of man.  Life is through the systems of God.  Let's not put the cart before the horse.  Our answers should come without effort and strife.  They should dawn on us like the soft, gentleness of the light peaking over the tree tops and come to a full crescendo as they blossom into fruition.  I think it's all much more simple than the complexity our minds create.  It's the classic example of not being able to "see the forest for the trees."

STOP, LOOK, LISTEN

What is your problem of the day? Have you ever noticed that when one problem is solved, a new one comes to take it's place? We often try to "fix" our inner problems by getting better at the external games we've always played, keeping us stuck in the patterns we've always held. We tend to rely on our mind to solve our problems. If we could realize that the advice of the mind often comes from our distorted thoughts of fear, we would realize the mind is disturbed and stop listening to it.
If we don't address our problems from the very root, it is like using a band-aide on a gushing wound. External changes will not solve your problems. First step is to STOP. Stop expecting your mind to fix our problems. Second step is to LOOK. Watch the mind play it's games, and you will realize you are not this mind and not get sucked into it. You are only the witness of it. Third step is LISTEN. From the vantage point of the witness, the mind and all its disturbed thoughts and fears, becomes like white noise in the background, and we are able to hear the call of our True Self.
Resting in this awareness you will notice your energy shift. Your problems do not get solved. You simply realize you never had any to begin with. You are not your problems. You've just been listening to your mind and instead of watching the drama of life, you got sucked into being that drama. You got sucked into it because you never stop or look or listen to what is really going on. Your patterns of conditioning keep you distracted with all your shoulds, shouldn'ts, needs and wants keeping you planning for the future and lamenting over the past. This keeps us stuck in patterns (samskaras) of the psyche, playing old tapes over and over again instead of celebrating the joy of our existence.
There is no doing anything. We are just here being conscious as we always have been. Just because we got sucked into the psyche doesn't mean we weren't still here being conscious. We just weren't paying attention to it. We are always here and never there, just aware that thoughts and emotions are being created around us while the world unfolds before our senses