Today is Not a Good Day to Fall Apart

Today is not a good day to fall apart. My world seems to be in chaos. The panic button is flashing red. My situation seems to be quite delicate, as if my "House of Cards" could be blown away at any moment. This is no time to make a wrong move, a poor decision or to skip a beat. Just when I need to have all my wits about me, to conjure up all my magical powers and clever charms, I seem to be dull, lacking confidence and certainly far from charming. I seem to be hanging on by a thread that is on the verge of breaking, surely to drop me down into the pits of hell, then I remember. I have been there before, so what's the harm in one more visit?

One of my favorite lines is from a Talking Head's song... "Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens." Perhaps that makes hell the place where everything happens? Hell is a place the mind moves through. Heaven is a place the mind rests in. My mind, by it's very nature, is restless and often uncontrollable. I ask myself, "If I were able to control my mind, who is this that would do this controlling?" I have never come up with a satisfying answer.

What if the mind were given the freedom to be restless? How long could it be restless before it sought rest on it's own out of sheer exhaustion or perhaps even boredom? The truth is the mind cannot be controlled. It can only be attracted and distracted, attached and not attached. We often don't realize we are in heaven when we are there, because it is so non-eventful our mind doesn't bother to show up. A restful mind is one that has been engaged in positive ways. A restless mind is one that has been engaged in negative ways. If we find ourselves hanging on by that last thread, it's a sign we have already fallen apart. We might as well let go of it, and watch the cards fall.

All of our wrong moves, poor decisions and missed beats have already happened. We are simply experiencing the results of our past actions. The mind cannot rest in hell. How long it's journey through it is depends on how tightly we are clinging to the past, how fearful we are of the future and how content we are with nothingness. All good minds go to heaven.

I am reminded this morning to play good games. I don't know how this reminder came to me anymore than I know who controls my mind. My mind does not want to sit, so I will watch it dance it's drama out until it wears weary from it. I suppose I will hold onto this last thread until it breaks, which it will. They always do. I suppose I will fall down into the pits of hell, and then I will crawl, climb or claw out. I always do. I suppose my "House of Cards" will be blown down, and again I will rebuild. I always do. History repeats itself, because the mind repeats itself.

The mind creates stories and then lives them out. Play good games and tell good stories, but don't fool yourself. Hanging onto to heaven while you are in hell, will only keep you in limbo. A free fall down into the fiery pits will catapult you out faster than you can say "Abracadabra." Accept your existence. You really have no other choice. Think good thoughts. Say good things, and do good deeds. And when you can't, accept your defeat, then go ahead and fall apart. All of God's angles will put you back together again. They always do.