Stop the Madness

"In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for." --Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Is it just me, or do you also fear the world has gone mad? I have been struggling with making any sense out of the current world order or lack thereof.  I don't know who to cry for more; the victims of the most recent mass murders by terrorists or just the newest psycho killer, the Syrian refugees, the wounded or dead soldiers fighting this horrific war, the innocent children harmed, killed or orphaned, or the friend suffering so much they question if they even want to live another day in world gone mad. No doubt times are troubled. 

I think sometimes I should feel more. I am realizing that I can feel as much as want, cry as much as I want and that won't change a thing. Feeling is about me. In my world most things are about me. I am sensing the need for a radical shift in my perception. If we are all living in our own little worlds with our feelings, our needs and our wants, rest assured we are living in our own little world of our suffering as well.  When we are suffering, we have little room for the suffering of others... unless we've had a radical shift in perception from "mine" to "ours." 

The time is now for all of us, for the sake of all us, to get it together. "Peace begins with me." I love that line. The only chance we have to save the world is to save ourselves. There is such prevalent evil in the world because every culture and every religion is suffering mass moral degradation. Why is it so hard to do the right thing? We don't do the right thing, because the wrong thing has become so acceptable that we no longer care to... because we have become too lazy, greedy, self-absorbed and untruthful. I know this sounds very harsh. Sorry, but you know it's true, and I am sure you can see some of that in you.

So much time is wasted in thought and such little effort put in to action. I don't want to waste anymore time. If peace begins with me, I want it to start now. Yesterday, on two separate occasions, two different older women, both strangers, went out of their way to connect with me, to look me in the eye, give me a warm smile and tell me "Merry Christmas."  I liked the way that it made me feel, so I tried it out on two strangers. I don't know how it made them feel, but it made me feel really good.

We are told we should remember the reason for the season. What is that again? It is to celebrate Jesus Christ. But what are we celebrating about Jesus? His birthday?  What he died for or perhaps it is more about why he came to Earth? Wasn't there something about peace on Earth and goodwill to all. I admit, it's been awhile since I read the Bible, but I did read it cover to cover once upon a time. Again, maybe it's just me, but I thought Jesus was saying to be like him... that he figured things out for us. What I remember most was that Jesus could light the way to God.  He just loved people and served God. I didn't get anywhere in the Bible where he suggested much of all this religious rhetoric that has been spewed from the pulpits of the church. I've never read the Koran, so I can't speak for it. However, I find it hard to believe that it's message has not been severely twisted from that of it's originally, holy roots.

Lest we forget, God is everywhere. God doesn't not need a church, a cathedral, a temple, a synagogue or a mosque, but God is in all those places.  We like to think we build these buildings for God, but they were built for sinners and saints hoping to have a place they could find God. God dwells within us, not outside of us. If everyone were to spend as much time connecting with God, surrendering to God, listening to God and serving God as they do sleeping, working, worrying and serving themselves, it would be a very different world. If you follow your heart but your heart is wounded or diseased, it cannot be trusted. Trust God, not your heart. Learn to know the difference. Get that right first. It's is really the only true duty you have on this Earth and the only hope we have.  

Words are meaningless unless backed by action. In Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements, number one is: "Be impeccable with your word." We should mean what we say or just not say it. If you want peace, be peace. If you want love, be love. Whatever you need, whatever you want, be that for someone else. We are merely reflections of each other. Love Jesus? Be like Jesus. 


                      Love People. Serve God. Stop the Madness 
                                     Merry Christmas!

Pandora's Box

Hope is big man with broad shoulders and sparkling eyes. Quite the gentlemen and most chivalrous, you can always count on him.  He has a solution to every problem and never gives up.  He was the first to believe in Fulfillment even when everyone else said she couldn’t be trusted.  Not one to repress his desires, he cherishes them with utmost expectation. During Truth’s crusade, he walked through the darkest of nights in the deepest of jungles with Courage, Faith and Certainty to rescue lost souls. Always let him know how much he’s appreciated. He doesn’t stay where he is not wanted, and you will miss him sorely when he’s gone. 

 

It was the curiously, naughty child, Pandora, who opened the box and released all the problems of the world.  Seduced by it's mystery, she became completely fixated on knowing the contents of that wicked box.  It might have been her devilish curiosity that caused her to lift the lid but if it weren't for her courage, she would not have opened the box a second time to let Hope out. Just as Pandora could not resist the temptation of lifting the lid to discover what mystery lay inside, I find the seduction of my emotions an irresistible indulgence.

 

Keeping the lid on my overly emotional being is often a struggle.  There are a lot of us highly sensitive souls who ride the emotional roller coaster. I have been "me" a long time, so I  have grown quite used to my sudden twists and turns and my highs and lows.  Although sometimes I think I may seem scary to others, I am not afraid of the depth of my feelings. Feeling deeply is not a curse. It is simply just the way some of us are wired. It takes all kinds to maintain balance in the world. If there were only architects and no builders, nothing would ever be built. If there were only artists and no engineers, nothing would ever work. If there were only thinkers and no feelers, nothing would bring joy. If there were only feelers and no thinkers, nothing would ever make sense.

 

If you are a one of the sensitive ones, feel blessed. Your life is richer and fuller because of it.  If you're not but you love one of these creatures, feel blessed. They can expose you to a world of beauty and wonder beyond your wildest imaginings.  Even though she was afraid, Pandora could not resist the sweet voice of Hope and her pleas to be freed from the box.  In our hearts rests Pandora's Box, a collection of stories we tell about the events of our lives, some good, some bad and some wickedly painful. They are nothing more than stories and can cause us no harm unless we keep them locked up to fester. If we try to lock up all our problems, our pain and our suffering, we cannot help but lock away our solutions, our healing and our joys with them. With the courage of little Pandora, discover what mysteries lay inside solid in the knowing that Hope is always there and can be counted upon to make things sweet again. Curiosity won't kill us, but fear just might. 

Be transparent. Be brave. Live out loud.

 

 

 

Livin' in the Low Country

You know when you have one of those encounters with a stranger that makes you wonder, "What just happened?"  Somehow you know that there is some message being transmitted that doesn't meet the eye. I love those experiences, because I know I am about to receive something I needed even though I may not know I needed it. I experienced that tonight on my evening walk. 

I get restless from time to time. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes it lingers, and sometimes it doesn't leave until I make a 180 degree turn in my life, quit my job, leave my lover and move to another country. Restlessness has been coming and going a lot lately. I am not unhappy. I do not want to quit my job, leave my lover or move to another country but I would, however, like to quiet the tinkling bells of my gypsy soul. 

Yesterday, on my way to work  I saw an "apartment for rent" sign across from the main entrance to the woods where I  like to hike. By lunch time I had decided I needed to move there and drove back by to get the phone number from the sign. By the evening I was on the internet searching for a new apartment. Before I saw the sign I had no thought of moving. After realizing I was really much better off staying where I am mostly because I like where live, I dropped the idea. However, the wheels were still turning. By the end of work today, in my mind, I rearranged all the furniture in my apartment. I think I will have a project this weekend. Perhaps it will suffice my restless spirit. Yes, I am needing something, but what?

Turtles are my totem. For those of you who do not have a totem, you may not understand this. If you have a totem, you will not question this. Trust me. They appear everywhere for you, and they make themselves known. This has been going on so long for me that when I see a turtle, I wait for it's message. This may sound weird to you, but it's true. It's just one of those things that "Is" for me.

I live in what they call the "Low Country." That's a nice word for swamp. In my neighborhood is a Carolina Bay. It looks like a big pond, but they don't call them that here. Apparently, there were depressions made in the earth eons ago that filled with water... perhaps created from a meteorite crashing or something. They are called Bays because of the Bay trees that are often around them, not because they are like a bay. They are like a swampy pond. Anyway, there is one nearby, and I like it, and it's the only body of water around. Sometimes this mermaid feels so landlocked here that I feel as if I am gasping for water. I walk my dog there almost daily. There are ducks and blue herons and turtles... lots of them.   

Tonight, on my walk around the "Bay," I heard the spokes of someone's bicycle clicking behind me. I turned to look and saw a man walking his bicycle carrying, what I thought was, his helmet in his hand. It was just a quick glance. I smiled and said, "Hello."  He smiled back and acknowledged my greeting. A few seconds later, a voice behind me says, "Excuse me. Do they belong in the water?"  I turned back again, this time looking more directly at the man and noticing what he actually was holding in his hand. 

There aren't many hippie type folks in the "Low Country." I think they all live in the mountains. This man, however, was the exception. The only thing missing was a Grateful Dead t-shirt. He looked to be in his 40's, long hair pulled back in a ponytail, wire-rimmed glasses framing his sparkly eyes, an Earth Day hemp bag strapped across his back, Teva sandals.... and holding a turtle in his hand! His energy was unassuming and his voice soft. He asked me like he knew I would know. He said he found it the road and thought it's home might be here. I tried to curtail my enthusiasm so I didn't seem like a freak, but I was so excited to be part of a turtle rescue. 

I showed him where I always see a lot of these turtles sunning themselves. When hell froze over the first winter I lived here, a wicked ice storm killed a bunch of trees and they fell into the bay creating a little turtle haven. Before he released the turtle, he asked, "So, this is where she lives, and she likes it here?  I found it interesting that he knew the turtle was a she, not a he. And I said, "Yes, there is where she lives, and she likes it here." 

Sometimes you just need someone to be that mirror for you, so you can see yourself better. Yes, right here in this low country, landlocked, swamp where the air smells like jasmine and magnolia blossoms, where the purple wisteria cascade down to the ground, where the ancient live oak trees tangle themselves to create archways across the road, where people ride their horses right down main street, where I love my lover, my friends and my job... This is where I live, where God has provided a haven for me, and I like it here.  That's what I needed... to remember that.
 

Howl More, Think Less

If well behaved women seldom make history, then I am definitely going to make, if not a wave, certainly a ripple in the books, as I seldom behave. Try as I might I can't seem to fake normal, can't seem to put on that happy face when things are crumbling around me, just can't seem to hold my tongue, stuff it back in and say, "It all happens for a reason... It's all good."  I feel it bubbling up from inside me, and I try to squelch it, but there's nothing that can stop passion's burning flames. Passionate women seldom behave. Men beware. If you love her passion, then you must be able to withstand her fire.

Something has gone so completely askew in the world today. The art of busy is replacing the art of Art.  Those who can catch a ball, throw a ball, punt a ball, putt a ball or merely chase a ball are paid millions, while those who simply have the balls to live their life authentically are paid pennies.  We live in a world where truthfulness is being replaced with political, social and familial correctness, because it requires less time, less effort and is less simply trouble to be polite than it is to be truthful. It is a sad state of affairs when the busy-ness of life overcomes the juiciness of life.

I believe in living juicy. I love that you love your children, your grandchildren, your parents, your sisters, your brothers and your friends... But who or what do you crave?  What fills your cup when it's empty? Who calls your name from the stars above or the darkness of the void? What lights your fire? Put your energy there and be willing and fearless enough to see if  it satiates you or burns you alive. There are no guarantees, and there is no real plan.

No, life is not to be series of tasks to be done, of projects to complete, obligations to fill or rules to be followed. Life is a series of vignettes to be, not watched or read, but danced with the juiciest part of your soul.  Go ahead, dip your toes in the water, howl at the moon, even growl at the moon, certainly dance with the moon. Let it go. Let it all go.  There's plenty more where that came from.

Life is meant to be lived as if your life depended upon sucking every last bit of juice out of a peach while living in a orchard. There's always more. You can screw up, and you will. Your experience will show you how to screw up less next time. And you have plenty of time. And you will screw up again. Time is not a race. It is merely a measurement. We give it way too much importance.

The last few days I have felt the heaviness of the moon. I realized I was doing a lot of contemplating and not much howling. We should never forget the beauty and grounding that rests in our most primordial selves.  I have always liked that bumper sticker that says, "Wag More, Bark Less." I think I want one that says, " Howl More, Think Less."

Have you ever really howled at the moon? Seriously, have you?  Maybe there is just a certain way the planets align when the moon is full, the sky is clear, the stars shine and the moonbeams glisten on the ocean's shore or on the mountain's top, when the depth of her glow penetrates the thickness of your mortal body and a howl, maybe even a growl, bellows up from the deepest part of your earthiness and cries, YES!   I know that, yes. And so does every other wild woman breathing on this planet. Prostrations to you, my beloveds. Howl on!

Belief

“If you have yet to be called an incorrigable, defiant woman,
don’t worry, there is still time.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés






I have learned that there is no payoff in getting twisted up about what people believe, how they spend their time or the thoughts they entertain. Self-righteousness is a real turn off for me and is the reason I ascribe to no particular religion. While the roots of most organized religions are based on Absolute Truth, I find any organized religion to have branches of dogma, hypocrisy and "absolutes" (subjective truth defined by the followers of God, not God).  I see tremendous value in those of like mind gathering together for worship, but can see only negativity come when those gathering of like mind believe that those who do not believe the way they do are wrong. It doesn't matter who you are or what you believe... If  in order to validate your beliefs, you make others wrong for theirs; you are not convinced of what you believe. I am convinced of that. And it doesn't matter what religion or non-religion, whether it's a group of Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, New Agers or Atheists, it seems when they gather together they tend to judge the others. Whether it's a condescending, "I will pray their your sinful ways"... or just a superior attitude that we are chosen or more intelligent or more enlightened, it's just judgement based on our fears and our need to be better or right to feed our own ego. God has no ego that needs stroking... So above all, don't do it in the name of God. It has nothing to do with our relationship to God. It's none of our business how someone else worships God.

I often tend to live in my own little world and have been that way since I was a child. Most would say I have always danced to beat of a different drummer. Maybe because I was the youngest in my family, because I was the only girl, because I was the smallest, the weakest and the softest voice... instead of speaking out, creating a ruckus or taking a stand, I would just watch. So many things I was unable to control because of my  position in the herd, I learned to accept what I couldn't change. But because I was always a deep thinker and became very good at observing, I learned about people, about their behaviors, about their strengths and their weaknesses. Since I already accepted that I couldn't control others, I learned to care more about my behaviors, my thoughts, my beliefs and leave others to their own.  I like my own little world but I realize it's just that, my own little world.

Perhaps because that little girl with the soft voice didn't speak out much about what she observed but rather ate it up as food for thought,  she became a deep thinker. All that deep thinking resulted in a better understanding of who she was and she developed her own relationship with the world and with God not based on what other people believed.... but based on what she believed. Not one to blindly believe in anything, I have always tested the waters, lived on the edge a bit to see where it would take me and I have learned that beliefs cannot be counted upon. My beliefs change. I try not to hold too tightly to them, as I realize I am often wrong about things. Beliefs are meant to be tested. If a belief stands up to the test, it becomes a conviction. Convictions don't need to be held onto, however, they never leave us. A conviction makes a permanent imprint on our consciousness. A conviction needs no validation. 

I am no longer the youngest, the smallest or the weakest. I am a strong, confident, incorrigible, defiant woman overflowing with self-expression. I am often wrong, but I am often right. I expect the space to do and think as I please, and will act exactly as I have that right. Although I cannot honestly say I don't care what other people think of me (although I wish I could be free of that), I can honestly say I don't care what you believe. Believe what you believe, but try to understand what you believe and sort it out for yourself. Be willing to drop beliefs that are not yours, that don't make common sense or that hurt other people. Stay open and when your belief transcends into a conviction, stand in your own space and revel in it. Shout it from the mountain top if it feels good to you but if you are expecting validation from others, you will be sadly disappointed.  There is only one Absolute Truth and it's the only thing you need to be convinced of. Know That and you know all you need to know. Everything else is subjective. Enjoy the ride. It's wild and wonderful journey.

Humility

Humility is a virtue that saves us when faced with the powerlessness of evolution. The Holy Design for the entire universe is evolution. Everything in nature is cooperating in accordance with Divine Order to make the world more hospitable for all it's creatures. Sometimes that is hard to see in the midst of chaos and suffering, but we must not lose faith.

It is when we are out of balance with Nature, when we are resisting the flow, and when we are acting out of fear rather than from love, that we suffer. It is impossible to manipulate Divine Order, yet we continue to struggle for control rather than accept it's design. Often it is only when we go into the depths of crisis, when something devastating occurs, that we realize the powerlessness we have over Natural Law.  

There is an order and balance in the universe that coexists with an unyielding unpredictability beyond human control. Just as the tides roll, the sun sets, the moon rises and the rains come, life flows without our direction. We are intrinsically wired with the urge for wholeness and if we tune in, we realize this is our motivating force. It takes humility to recognize we are only the center of our own tiny, little, microscopic universe amongst an infinite number of other tiny, little microscopic universes in the One Universe we are merely a particle of.

Evolution is a universal project. Ego likes to believe this is a personal goal. While the spiritual journey may be a personal one, it is only personal to the individual "I."  We are all simply playing our individual roles in a collective transformation of Consciousness. Wholeness is the urge of the Universe; therefore, individual plans are secondary. If we can accept our roles dutifully, if we can see the beauty and respect the Holy Design of Nature, we will find ourselves celebrating our existence. If we can can answer the call to be the most loving people we can be, we will find ourselves in a state of humility bathing in a sea of infinite love and acceptance.

Power of Choice

What a difference a year makes. Last fall I landed in a new town. Literally, that was what it felt like, a landing. I arrived back to the States from a 6 month journey in India not knowing what I wanted to do or where I wanted to live. All arrows pointed to Aiken, South Carolina. Since arrows pointing versus a "pin the tail on the donkey" choice seemed the wiser of the two, here I find myself 15 months later with a brand new life beyond my imagination.  And that is real life... existing beyond the limitations of our imagination. 

I had been in search of freedom, becoming less and less attached to things, to people, to comfort zones, but I still wasn't liberated. I have discovered something new this past year. I think I was approaching detachment from the wrong perspective. What keeps us bound are our thoughts and beliefs, not our things, our relationships or our comfort zones. We experience limitations, because we believe our thoughts.

The mind is like a computer. We must be aware of what we are downloading into it. Discernment is a powerful tool. Decide to accept and reject. We need to free ourselves from the limitations we have accepted in the here and now. Freedom will never happen in the future, as it is an awareness of the moment. A new thought is like soft clay. It can be reshaped. An old thought fired in the kiln of our emotions has to be broken with a sledge hammer.

I find myself more entangled with the world at present, more commitments and more responsibilities than in my "freedom searching" years; however, I have found greater freedom in my newly entangled life. Interesting, when you are not searching for something, you are more likely to happen upon it. A few months ago a good friend reminded me something about myself and gave me some powerful advice. She said, "You need to always remember you have an amazing endurance for accepting things that don't work for you."  It really made me think. Do I want to endure my life, or do I want to live it? I choose to live it.

Don't get me wrong. Acceptance is important. Without it we would surely go mad, as most events that occur in our life are beyond our control. But we don't have to accept our imagined limitations. Imagination has countless building blocks. We can use them to build walls that close us in or doorways that open us to the expansiveness of life.

Confusion can be a very good thing. It takes away the security that we have all the answers in our pocket. Freedom from concepts allows new experience. Preconceived ideas keep out truth. The need to believe something often interferes with our reasoning, as we have a tendency to believe what we want to believe. Observation is the most helpful tool in freeing ourselves from preconceived ideas and beliefs. We suffer from undirected, uncultivated minds, such an unnecessary waste of life.

Mind as the interpreter is a very tricky thing, as it only hears what it wants to hear. The chattering of the subconscious can be loud and overpowering. Reflection is the key. Sit and watch your mind. Deal with what comes up. Use your power of choice and be discriminant of the thoughts you entertain. Don't allow mind to spin out of control with negative thoughts and fears. Feel passionately in the moment, but release emotions attached to the past.

We learn from making mistakes. Learn from them, but stop repeating them. Be clear on what you know versus what you have simply intellectualized. When you intellectualize, you pretend to yourself you know. True knowing leads to action. Watch your actions to understand what you truly know. It's best not to waste time on questions that can't be answered. Self-mastery is the key to liberation. 

Spend a few moments before going to sleep to clear your mind. The thoughts you are holding onto when you fall asleep are the thoughts that most strongly affect your subconscious. Gratitude keeps us in divine flow. Forgiveness is love manifest. I go to sleep this evening with my heart overflowing gratitude for my rich, full life, for all my entanglements with the world, for all my freedom, for all my mistakes, and all the my successes. As my mind defragments from the day, forgiveness wells up in my consciousness for the holy mess I am, for the holy mess I create and for the holy mess caused by others. Perfection cannot manifest on the human level. God does not work for us. God works through us. The right choice always is simply seek God.